cIrcLIes KEeps HappenIng to Me

Time keeps passing and nothing new seems to be happening. I really just kinda stayed in one spot this summer. Actually i would have to say that I went in a big ass circle. A lot of delays, some crazy dreams, interesting people and it all just came back to the place where i began. I have feelings for ian. Plain and simple as that. I am the master of the last minute bolt and i have shown it once more. I don't know what to do. I guess i'l just see where the following week takes me. I hope its somewhere warm.... I have been having a lot of movie nights lately. With nothing else to do and a curfew people can come over to my house and hang out all night if they want to. And dan and brandon i guess do. First night was a... i don't remember and dan and brandon came over to watch amelie. Great movie. Scott and Ian were invited but they never came. I felt bad because evidently scott drove past my house and didn't come to the door but knew that i had friends inside. I wish he would have. But then again he wouldn't watch the movie anyways. They I had Scott and Ian over to watch a very long engagement because i love it and i knew that scott would enjoy the war aspect of it. Dan and Brandon came too and scott and ian left before the end of the movie. I don't know if they enjoyed it too much. I do hope they did. Brandon and Dan stayed until abuopt 4:30 am. It was a nice time. And the latest time was yesterday. Dan and Brandon came over and we watch Ghost World which was a very good moive. I hope to have a few more. I know when there isn't anything else better to do we will. So, I just got back from Whtite Castle. I had my first burger back into the meat eating thing. It was delicious. It was me Ryan Dan and Brandon. Ian was going to come but his parents left town and i guess it wasn't a good idea to leave. Understandable. But it was a good time. It was a short road trip. I would say no more than an hour each way. But still, my first sort of road trip with the boys. Very nice indeed. I know we have to end up in chicago one of these days. I still had fun. And it was still delicious. I can't say that i really missed meat, but i dunno. It's kind of pointless. I think at anytime i could go back to not eating meat. and prolly not eating any kind of poultry too. I'm just to lazy to care anymore. It doesn't matter. Ben got back in town today. I wonder how he is doing. I'm sure that i will see him tonight. That is if i go over to ians house. After this whole bisness of thinking people impose and so on i am worried. I spend a lot of time with these guys that i treasure and i don't want them to get sick of me. And i don't want to show up someplace when they really didn't want me to be there. I hate formalities and the like. It just gets you doubting yourself. I don't know what we'll do tonight. And if people there will be smoking. Like if Ben is there, he is going to smoke. And ian and scott have decided to quit smoking. I don't know how that is going to work. But no Hookah, and i am kinda going through withdrawl. If i had money i would pay ian to rent the hookah for a while. But i am not going to take him stuff and use the things he paid for and not give him something. It's just not fair.... Hey, i'm no- oh, can't say that. (can hear me you know.) *sigh* Love that Weezer. We were good as married in my mind, but married in my minds no good. At least i didn't fall for a lesbian. even though in my case it would have worked... whatever. Pray for something exciting to happen. Maybe rain.