ciNdEreLLa

Yesterday was a very useless day. I should have gone out, but i was.. how you say detained. It's a long story and I don't care to go into. Short version, me + curfew = 12:00. Sad I know. The gallavanting girl she is no more. But I am not that worried. It's for a month. Just one and my true friends will work around my new schedule. In the end I am fine with it and if i behave well, it might only be for two weeks. (fingers crossed). Is it sad that the only thing i am going to really miss is going to steak n' shake and sitting there from twelve until three? Fuck no. It was a great time and it should be missed. Last couple of days, here we go, just so i don't forget. Friday: Dan's show. Worst yet and i feel horrible about it. I was late, not my own doing and i felt like a horrible person. I never wanted to be late. I wanted to be early, but life sucks, or whit made me go somewhere and she had to loook perfect for the coffee scene or something... I was late and I was sorry. Johnny C didn't even play and it was pretty much Dan. He was so far away and everyone was so disrespectful to the beautifulness of his songs. Shit. So we left and went to steak n' shake. That was horrible. I realized it the moment i sat down. There is such a thing as too many friends. Or at least, too many friends in one place. A sacred ground was raped that night and i will make sure it never happens again. Later, we drove to Ians and then to Brandons and I left prematurely. I just hurt so badly. My head ached with thoughts and my back killed. Seriously I think that if a smaller animal had what i had it would have died or wanted to the way that i did. So i went home and "slept". Saturday: I had to work and then went to wings with my darlings. My darlings being Dan and brandon and now scott. I love talking to those guys and just being around them. They are so real- no, surreal. They think about everyday things in a way that has never been explained before. When they say that my generation is the future i am always scared to death because everyone i know are dumbasses. But knowing Brandon, Scott and dan are there, it makes me feel better. They... i don't know how to descibe it, so knowing and unknowing at the same time and can still make me laugh about stupid things. We went back to Brandons until the morning and then Scott and Dan and I went to breakfast at the IHOP. I hate that place, but I enjoyed the company. The three of them have to be the only people that i can hang out with for days on end, never get tired of the conversation we have, and can make me smile and cry at the same time. They are going to be something amazing someday and I hope that I am there to see it all. I came home at nine and the parents were pissed. So that is where the curfew came from. End of story. Sunday was just work and working on the parents to lighten the sentence. Now i have possibility to lessen it and i couldn't go anywhere for the day. As punishment? No, I was tired and couldn't drag my ass out of bed. I was called almost six times by scott and the first time, I remember this quite vividly. I couldn't find where the noise was coming from. Then I asked where the whip cream was and ended up picking up my tootis roll bank (thinking it was a can of whip cream) and tried to put whip cream on my phone. That was fucked up. Seriously. I woke up right about then and laughed. They called again and i picked up this time. Then I listened to scotts message (WTF mate?) and turned my phone on vibrate. I slept the rest of the night. Looking into someone's eyes is how you learn about a person. I have always belived this and still do. Its the way to the truth and how i fall in love. But I know now that I have only really looked into three peoples eyes over the summer. Dan, his eyes are blue, Brandon, his eyes are brown, and Scott, his eyes are the bluest i have seen (but that may just be because they contrast with his black hair or because they really are xtremely blue.) Funny. "In an akward way i suppose. I don't know where my head has been lately or what I used to believe. I just know that in the past 48 hours of my life, I have changed. It wasn't an event or anything tragic, well maybe a little. It was myslef. I started listening. Sometimes, when you want something for so long, you become blind to the truth. You stop seeing what is really there and start to have a warped view of the way things should be. I was lucky. I started to see things before I was in over my head. I saw what was there and I tried with all my might to forgive it and believe that it wasn't real. Pretend like it didn't happen. And then I realized that I couldn;t. And the reason I couldn't is because it was the real thing. I didn't want to admit that I had been wrong this entire time. I was disgusted. I stilll kinda am. But I am letting it go. I am glad that I was able to see it. I am glad that Brandon helped me feel what it was that I needed. Its the time between when you stop imaging and start seeing what it is that is there. I thought I had a diamond. I had three little rubys that I was going to trade for that diamond. Before I handed them over I saw at last this diamond was a rock. And that the three rubys I had were really the diamonds.God I'm glad I caught that one. I don't need anything big right now. I have three diamonds to keep company with even if it's only until midnight.