jusT loOk at thoSe COsmic sTars won'T You?

I am up. I can't sleep. I can't stop thinking and it sucks. My back hurts like a mother and so does my head. I can't lay down. I tried. Something about the bed tonight just doesn't bring me peace. So, it was yet another 6th yesterday. Seven months now. It's painful to think about. And the time of... i need a moment. 10:42. Damn i hate even numbers. There is so much i want to say, and i just don't have the strength to say them. I left the little circle at ians house and layed in the grass and watched the stars for a moment. Alone. I needed that. Then people came over and just layed down around me. I needed that too. This is the first 6th i have been around people. Maybe this means the wounds are starting to heal and i might actually be cured one day. But right now, i doubt it. The stars were beautiful tonight. Really. Scott and brandon are impressing on me that i haven't seen stars until i go to frankfort. I agree. I will just have to go with them once before school starts again. On a somewhat lighter note, I really talked to scotty today. I understand him so much better. I can't tell you why, I just do. And as I talk to him now, he really is one of the most amazing and smart people i have ever met. I hate how i am meeting all of these amazing people and they are all graduated and leaving me in about a month. I will miss them all terribly and i know i will visit. But, it still doesn't make up for the fact they won't be around... I know there is more to talk about and positively happier things, i just... it's been a night. A good night, but a night none the less. It feels like a lot has happend. I don't know, but a lot. *sigh* I guess i'll just have to try that sleep thing again. I just wish my mind owuld stop racing. I guess i can thank you scotty for putting most of my fears right out there. I understand myself better now. I'm not sure where i'm going, but i know i have good friends there by me all of the way.