nOtHinG On

Late on a saturday night and a girl is sitting at her computer reading about the adventures of other people's lives and she compares them to hers. Some are better, some are worse. She is just fine with that. But stumble upon a site of someone she doesn't really know and read about life as she doesn't know and misses her friends. The ones that made her think. No, she doesn't miss them that terribly much. It must be something else. Oh right, that the thoughts and theories she reads she can't help but understand. Telling her that her life, her adventures are pointless. Her life is based completely on the social and other people knowing her. She can't make a difference. In the long run she is nothing. And she is mad that she couldn't have thought of it on her own and had to be told like a child. It's a sad world, but hey, not gonna let that get me down. If I let every mean thing that people told me get to me, I would have been dead long ago. See in this world you build thick walls... just don't let anyone have the key or you could end up dying from the inside out... School started on wednesday. It wasn't too bad. I had to get to school at 7:30 to get into main lot and believe me it came close to not getting in. But i hung around. Good times. Went to homeroom, god i hate all choir homeroom. Fucking sucks, all those preppy bitches. Dan you understand me. I don't know how i am going to keep from killing them... gonna be an interesting time to say the least. Then walked towards my precalc with none other than Trent Yeoman. Jesus, I nearly died laughing when i read my schedule and then actually had class with him.. kept thinking of the funny shit dan said and brandon... god! But on the way walking up foriegn language hallway i got poked in the back. KEVIN!!! Holy shit i missed that kid. He said he had wanted to call me over the summer for my council and listen to some kickass music with and realized he didn't have my number. Pity, but it's all good. Immediately after he had poked me, Jesse did. Missed him too. Gave him a hug, asked him how the girlfriend was. And then actually ran into her. Chelsea is such a sweetheart. I understand why Jesse is totally in love with her. And she has a kickass taste in music, and pretty, blonde hair and all. So yea then classes all day. Seminar I liked. Cool kids. Talked to some old teachas. Mrs. Gray I missed like none other. Jesus! I am gonna miss her class. And her, she was just an awesome teacher. But I took Jesse home the first two days of school. I think i might do that everyday cause i hate to drive alone and he can find good music wherever we go. Wilco might be coming to Elkhart soon. Damn I know. I guess there was an article about it in the Observer, that's the ND newspaper. But it has already been decided that Jesse is going to get the tickets and I am going to drive... hehe. I think I might ask Kevin if he wants to join. It sounds like a promising ticket. Still haven't found any stimulating conversation up here. Actually Jennifer Shook, yea Chris's little sister, is pretty close. She has some goods ideas and is easy to talk to. That and we have almost the same schedule. LAb PARTNERS!!! fuck yess.. By the way, if i didn't mention that i am abso-fucking-lutley in LOVE with my physics class this year.. I AM! I don't know. From everything Kistler has said so far i think that i am going to enjoy this class thuroughly. I don't know. It just sounds like my thing. A lot of the convo is simply, yea my summer... blah blah blah. I just think i need to find the right group of thinkers. In a school of threethousand... yea this won't take long at all..... I have been spending a remarkable amout of time with Brandon these past few days. There are a few things about the summer that i can only talk to about him though. I mean he is the only one that really understands the situation. There are just a lot of things from the summer that are still getting at me. And i know that he won't tell anyone because he really doesn't have anyone to tell. I mean, scott. Yea he prolly heard all about everything i said, but i really don't give a shit so much.... it doesn't matter to me anyhow. There are still things i don't tell anyone except for my little notebook which no one gets to see.... it's our little secret. Isn't that right notebook.. (notebook nods) seeI told you. Well.. I guess I don't have that much to say left. School: Check Life:Check Thoughts on life: Check. Oh, right. Me. I should prolly explain a little of that. Because, on further recollection, I don't explain myself very well, and i don't think that many people know the real me. Heidi brandon true they are the couple, few. But i don't think that everyone is getting the right idea here. I mean, they only see the good or they only see the bad. Don't they understand that i am balanced. Good and bad. I hate you and i love you. God! Oh go on. Leave me be for a while. I'll elaborate on this more later. Just so you people can finally understand me. Maybe it would make things easier if.. you actually knew how to handle me...