reMembEr the FiREfliEs

I think that I am half asleep, half awake, half dreaming, half happy, half sad, but never half heartedly updating my blog. never.... Hmmmm. Well lest's seee it was sunday the last time this thing had any life breathed into it so, monday sucked. As bad as a monday can. I did nothing at all. I slept the entire time and had a lot of unrest. About what? I seriously can't remember. I do suffer from short term memory loss (I do not understand how someone can have short term memory loss. They can remember weeks and months ago, but not yesterday and three minutes ago? Then when things happend years ago, why didn't they just forget that they happend? Is it like after weeks have passed then they finally remember that little thing they forgot that happend three minutes later? I think if they suffer from short term memory loss, they should just call it total memory loss.), now I am positive. This and not being able to make it three minutes without asking what day it is. Which is something I did last night, alot. But more about last night later. Tuesday we, and when I say we I mean me, dan, and brandon went to steak n' shake, again. I had worked that morning and it was late at night after I had gone out with Court and we got hacienda. I got some serious food poisoning from that fucking place. I am not going back there too soon. And we got the waitress from hell that I hate with a passion. If I had a hate list, she would so make it top five and i don't even know her personally. If i did I am sure she would be number fucking one. But court and I drove around afterwards and we had some good conversation, but it kept getting broken up by my having to go to the bathroom every five seconds. It sucked major. I couldn't do anything with whit after court took me home cause i couldn't leave my house that has the nicest cleanest never occupied bathroom. Hours later and after I felt soo much better, I got online and brandon asked if i was ready to go to le Steak n' shake? Yes. So dan and him came over to get me and I put some pants on and sat in my driveway for them. Now, even whiole I am waiting memorable things happen to me. Well, not really but I wasn't completely bored. A complete miracle happend, Lauren actually returned my phone call. I had called her eariler wondering what it was that she was doing. Cause while talking to court she brought up the fact that Lauren and her had been doing a lot of things together and how fun she was. (Except that she kept inviting doug over for everything that they would do. And how Lauren used her cell phone all the time to call doug and that he called it non stop when he knew that Lauren was with court.) But she also asked me how things with me and her were because she heard that things between us weren't right or that I was mad at her and ignoring her. Or some bullshit like that. Not true might I say. Not true at all, she is the one not returning my phone calls. Obviously not wanting to have a good time because when have i ever been boring? Really? So needless to say, I tried. One last time I suppose. The final act, and she acted back. So we talked for nearly twenty minutes and she said we should do something thursday, today actually, which I called and she never called back.... But I did talk to her, and of course she never mentioned the not speaking, i guess she could never say anything to my face about something like that. At least not until it was brought up by me and resolved. Of course I didn't pick her up from work last night like I was supposed to. But I know that court would take her home. So there was that tuesday night and then Brandon and Dan pulled up. It was officially wednesday morning. So steak n' shake was a good time as always. Except that we didn't have Jamie. She wasn't working. Otherwise I am sure that we would have requested her. Because, we are freakin nuts like that. Especially dan... So we had Brittney instead. And maybe she wouldn't have been so horrible if she wasn't also working the drive thru. And forgot to ask if I wanted cream with my coffee, and had actually given me more when I ran out, and had gotten dan another coke and hadn't made brandon sad jut looking in his cup with nothing in it. Maybe then she would have been okay. Maybe. Dan even wrote a song about Jamie in the resaurant and it embodied all of that we missed. Still it was a good time talking to the guys, again. I laughed my ass off and have regretfully forgotten it all again. Still, damn... I wish that other people would just observe us and confim how crazy we are. Cause I think that we do become a little dumber everytime. We were out until about three and I had to open in about five hours. I made it. That is all the accomplishment I made. I barely got by with the little sleep I had and I couldn't help from smiling all day. Some one actually asked me, what are you smirking about? What could i say? Seriously? Could i really go into all of it? Never, I just said nothingm just something that my friend said to me the other day. It's not worth hearing. Only it really was. So now that brings us to what, wednesday. Yes, I had opend with Brittney who is amazingly fun and the least fake person from my work. She is very pretty and I just think that she needs to date one of my friends. She told me about her guys friends, and how they are all assholes and all they ever want to do is play poker. Then I told her about my guys friends and how they love to talk and go out at all hours of the morning, don't have to drink to have a good time, and are most importantly musicians. She was jealous to say the least. This is what brings me to the thought of her being perfect with one of them. But after work, went home and called Whit back because she had called my cell phone that was at home charging and my home phone. I took a shower and when I got out, i heard my cell phone ringing. Oh scooby doo I answered that and she was at my front door! So i went down in my towel and welcomed her inside. So she sat in my room as i changed into clothes (crazy i know) and we went to ian's. I guess that there was an open swim and we had to go. I gladly did. When we got there it was ian, brandon, and scott. Then Leathers showed up. Then Ben and Meagen. We swam, and hookahed. It was a good time. I didn't really wake up until like 9:00. Then I started to converse more and I was fine. But I couldn't remember the freakin day. Like what day it was. Wednesday! That was the day. I met Mr. and Mrs. Dill. They seemed really nice and didn't really care that all these people were just at their house. It was refreshing. Then Steve came over and So did dan and ryan. We sat in a big circle and smoked. Talked. It was casual and fun. I had a lot of fun. I had never met o about half of them before, but they were very hilarious and I loved it. I just can't believe that I never knew these people existed. It's hard to imagine, even to imagine that I didn't really know who brandon, dan, ryan, ian, or whit really were before. I can't imagine time without them, considering that they have to be the funnest people I know. And that they like and understand things about me that other people still don't. I was just born in the wrong generation. So, at about midnight everyone was gone and so were we. So Brandon took me home (even though I got a lot of offers which was nice. I would have gone home with any of them ^_') And i fell fast asleep. I think maybe i got online i'm not sure. So if you find any pictures out there of me naked, just know it was late and I was tired. I swear I don't remember taking them.... Something that maybe makes a little sense now about steak n' shake as explained to me by a good friend. When he smokes, it relaxes him, because in the back of his mind he has a lot going on. Then all of the stuff in the back of his mind just disappears for a while and he can have a good time. I think that some people would call this a vice, I call it being able to understand yourself enough to know how to fix something and make it better if only for a little while. For some it may be having a casual brandy, a cigarette, and for me, coffee. Crazy maybe, but no it is true. The caffiene. The simplest form of a cup of coffee, has the caffiene I need to relax. I can forget about everything else and I just laugh. I forget how bad my life is and all of the things that I should do, and I have fun. I am fine, if only for a little while. So thank you friend for saying something that makes sense to me and helps me know myself a little better. I saw something the other night that amazed me. I was pulling out of my neighborhood and there is a farmers field right there as you pull out. In this field was millions of fireflies. There were all lighting up and it looked like fireworks. It was one of the most beautiful things that I had ever seen. I turend off my lights and just watchd them. No cars passed in front of me and I was in a trance by something that beautiful. I hope that I never forget that becuase I loved every minute. I wish everything was as perfect as that.... But now I must leave you. What a beautiful way to end June. Just remember the firefies. Forget everything else. Just remember the fireflies.