TuRnEd yOUr WaY aND sAW sOmEthiNg wAsNoT LooKiNG fOr.... bOtH a BeGiniNg and aN END
I just listened to the begninng of this song for the first time, it feels like, in my entire life. Although, as soon as i say that, i am reminded of a thousand occassions on when i found myself in the dark, just breathing in every piece of this song. I am this song. It in no way captures anything of my life, but all of my life in it's simple lyrics and sickeningly heartbreaking rythm. Maybe it just reminds me of others, and i take that into myself and feel as it feels.
I can smell cold and cigarettes; two of the most calming smells of my entire life.
I love the cold. It makes me want to be in love so badly. I feel like i can only truly be in love when i am not hot... i understand that that might not make sense to you, but it makes all the sense in the world to me, so we're going to let it go as is.
I remember holding on to the body of another person and not being able to let go. I felt like if i did, the world would stop spinning, my heart would break, and they would fall down dead. This has happened more than once in my life, and i'll never be able to shake that. I feel lke that now. Only there is nothing to hold on to now so the world is going to stop spinning, my heart is breaking and they are dead, at least to me.
I can't remember september being a beautiful occassion of sorts. It always seems to be full of heartache. Why should this year be any different? Really?
I don't know what i am going to do now. I am so full of emotion.
Life is what you make it, isn't it?
I'm going to keep on living. There is nothing else i know how to do as well as that. I have so many things that i want to say, but dear cursor, you can't talk back. You can't help me with what i'm feeling. I need a friend. I can't talk to really anyone about this. I need someone who can just take my words at face value and not think to heavily on them. I need that someone and i just can't define a person in my head right now that fits my description . If i hold this in much longer, i will lose it. Mental retardation, it's gonna happen. I am so confusing, a walking contradiction, and a liar to boot. I just need to feel strong. Isn't that sad?
I think it's finally time to come clean, even though i am not going to like the results.
It's time.
I can smell cold and cigarettes; two of the most calming smells of my entire life.
I love the cold. It makes me want to be in love so badly. I feel like i can only truly be in love when i am not hot... i understand that that might not make sense to you, but it makes all the sense in the world to me, so we're going to let it go as is.
I remember holding on to the body of another person and not being able to let go. I felt like if i did, the world would stop spinning, my heart would break, and they would fall down dead. This has happened more than once in my life, and i'll never be able to shake that. I feel lke that now. Only there is nothing to hold on to now so the world is going to stop spinning, my heart is breaking and they are dead, at least to me.
I can't remember september being a beautiful occassion of sorts. It always seems to be full of heartache. Why should this year be any different? Really?
I don't know what i am going to do now. I am so full of emotion.
Life is what you make it, isn't it?
I'm going to keep on living. There is nothing else i know how to do as well as that. I have so many things that i want to say, but dear cursor, you can't talk back. You can't help me with what i'm feeling. I need a friend. I can't talk to really anyone about this. I need someone who can just take my words at face value and not think to heavily on them. I need that someone and i just can't define a person in my head right now that fits my description . If i hold this in much longer, i will lose it. Mental retardation, it's gonna happen. I am so confusing, a walking contradiction, and a liar to boot. I just need to feel strong. Isn't that sad?
I think it's finally time to come clean, even though i am not going to like the results.
It's time.
posted by chelC | 11:00 PM
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