TuRn mE Back iNto thE PET i wAs WHen We Met, i WaS hAPpiEr thEn WiTh nO miND-seT
I'm really kind of tired right now, and i don't know what i am thinking, but i am definately thinking something. Isn't it weird how we do that?
I hate having extended periods of time off of school because i get so damned bored. I never hang out with people because, i don't know. I go out to lunch, but i feel like i don't really do anything.
In hopes of something i am having a get-together with the kindala from school. A christmas thing of sorts, but really just an excuse to take pictures of people with my camera.
I don't really know what i want from life, anymore. I would say i want to get crunk, but i think that's a total lie... maybe. It's just so confusing.
I can't believe this is it for most of us. My next two months are going to fly by and then i am going to be in the month of march. Then april, spring break, may, and graduation. I am surprised, and kind of dreading the next month. There is so much with robotics that i just don't want to deal with, and the musical which quite literally will kick my ass. I will feel so unrested and so pissed off most of the time. Prolly lose all of my friends that meant anything to me, and then leave, not for seattle, and hate college. I so hope that is not the truth. But it's going to suck if it is.
I don't want to be fat and unhappy when i grow up. It's something to think about for the future.
I have the most random days. I see people at work and then they leave. I have the most random thoughts, dating back to four years ago that i remember with scarily accurate detail. It seems to do me no good. I have the weirdest dreams. And they seem to also do nothing for me. I find the hardest time finding the reasons for things. Everyone is so busy, kids being around, chilun bein home, people dating people, people being gone. I want to learn something, i want to start things now so they will be over later.
It's thursday of break and i still have so much that i could be doing and things that i would rather be doing. I can't go to lake anymore, i don't have that special person to make out with whenever. David's sweet ass is back in town i can feel it, he's happy. Evan's in minneapolis, i pray for his g/f he don't make out with Kate, and i have some faith in the kid... i don't know if it's enough. Heid's remains to be seen, and you know what i have almot no patience. It's such a bad thing to have.
I have the urge to go to the gym, but i don't want to drive. It's so goddamn cold outside. I guess that i will just have to go to my room, listen to so super depressing music and reflect on life. Wow, that sounds like the absolute worst idea in the entire world.
I somehow feel that i keep tapping a dry well. I feel like there is nothing to do here and i just want to go someplace crazy, do something nuts, and come home. I feel like it might give some kind of meaning to my life. I am out of things to pierce, and i can't very well cut my hair off. It's not logical.
I miss my dreams of seattle. I miss my time in seattle. I miss seattle. I want to go walking through the rainforest again and hang out on the beach. There was so much walking to do out there, so much rain. I think i'll just try living on coffee for the rest of my days.
I hope that next year brings me more than this one did.
I have never expirienced as much and felt as numb and disconnected from the world as i did in this year. I was filled immediately with heartache and regret as the beginning of last year began with the introduction of Maggie Fisher. Someone i have almost altogether forgotten about. She came in and fucked up my friendship with Scott, something that never fully recovered. Then things got better, i hated maggie. I became better friends with brandon and dan and lost touch almost completely with scott. Then ian came home. I spent so much time with him. Was convinced i liked him again, and i waited, for anything. And then, nothing happend. Time passed, i'm pretty sure that spring break happend. Dan came home, made out with dan on the rocks, dan went back to college after a week that i spent bouncing from work to school and didn't talk to dan, causing slight akwardness. Then dan started dating jenna, nothing happend to me. I went through an intense period of miss and i realized one and final time that i was not over scott. I told him, and he told me he had stopped liking me gradually since college and by december it was completely gone. I cried, i don't think i ever cried more than i cried that night in april. Scott went back to college, he and i got into it one night on the phone and we proceeded to not talk for two months. I got over him, i really did and my life began again. I made more friends, senior friends, i reconnected with the kids in town. I fell in love with my life again. Then the kids came home. Scott and i talked, fake made up, and remained at odds with eachother. One night, i called him, and just wanted to talk. We ended up talking unitl nearly two in the morning. I hung up the phone, and plugged it into the charger, back when my room was in a completely different configuration. I smiled to myself and then realized what i was thinking and told myself out loud just so it might sink in "don't go there again chelsea, just be his friend." And i went to bed. We continued talking, just about our lives and i felt like we were becoming friends all over again. Things in life were good. I was invited up to the lake by scott, brandon and dan were there, after i got off work. I went up there, hung out, it kept getting later, curfew came and went, i walked to my car with scott and that's where we kissed. He walked back down the hill and was chewed out for three or four hours, sent me a txt, and the next day we decided, it wasn't a mistake. I dated scott for almost a month, made out with him most of the time, and, just like apparently everyone knew, we broke up. Huge fight, big heart break, sinking hole of depression. A weak moment, ended friendship and hatred from his end to mine began. School started, just in time to save my life. Alienation developed between me and brandon and we didn't see eachother for perhaps the longest month of my life. School commenced and chamber choir took off. It also took hold ot my life. I made so many new friends and grew the connections i had already had with those i loved. I had a crush on Mitch, a retard hick that i only realized after it was obviously clear. Then i gave up on love, rather uncerimoniously. Then i just got bitter and decided having as many friends as i could would be the best idea. And i spend all my time hanging out with david and a lot of time with evan, realizing they are some of my best friends. So now my dad lost his job and i have done a complete 180 of my life. Look at all that shit... that's my life, in just the past year. I think that pretty much sums up my mind and every possible thought in it. This should make for an interesting dream.
I think it's all we can do. Robot chicken? Why the hell not?
I hate having extended periods of time off of school because i get so damned bored. I never hang out with people because, i don't know. I go out to lunch, but i feel like i don't really do anything.
In hopes of something i am having a get-together with the kindala from school. A christmas thing of sorts, but really just an excuse to take pictures of people with my camera.
I don't really know what i want from life, anymore. I would say i want to get crunk, but i think that's a total lie... maybe. It's just so confusing.
I can't believe this is it for most of us. My next two months are going to fly by and then i am going to be in the month of march. Then april, spring break, may, and graduation. I am surprised, and kind of dreading the next month. There is so much with robotics that i just don't want to deal with, and the musical which quite literally will kick my ass. I will feel so unrested and so pissed off most of the time. Prolly lose all of my friends that meant anything to me, and then leave, not for seattle, and hate college. I so hope that is not the truth. But it's going to suck if it is.
I don't want to be fat and unhappy when i grow up. It's something to think about for the future.
I have the most random days. I see people at work and then they leave. I have the most random thoughts, dating back to four years ago that i remember with scarily accurate detail. It seems to do me no good. I have the weirdest dreams. And they seem to also do nothing for me. I find the hardest time finding the reasons for things. Everyone is so busy, kids being around, chilun bein home, people dating people, people being gone. I want to learn something, i want to start things now so they will be over later.
It's thursday of break and i still have so much that i could be doing and things that i would rather be doing. I can't go to lake anymore, i don't have that special person to make out with whenever. David's sweet ass is back in town i can feel it, he's happy. Evan's in minneapolis, i pray for his g/f he don't make out with Kate, and i have some faith in the kid... i don't know if it's enough. Heid's remains to be seen, and you know what i have almot no patience. It's such a bad thing to have.
I have the urge to go to the gym, but i don't want to drive. It's so goddamn cold outside. I guess that i will just have to go to my room, listen to so super depressing music and reflect on life. Wow, that sounds like the absolute worst idea in the entire world.
I somehow feel that i keep tapping a dry well. I feel like there is nothing to do here and i just want to go someplace crazy, do something nuts, and come home. I feel like it might give some kind of meaning to my life. I am out of things to pierce, and i can't very well cut my hair off. It's not logical.
I miss my dreams of seattle. I miss my time in seattle. I miss seattle. I want to go walking through the rainforest again and hang out on the beach. There was so much walking to do out there, so much rain. I think i'll just try living on coffee for the rest of my days.
I hope that next year brings me more than this one did.
I have never expirienced as much and felt as numb and disconnected from the world as i did in this year. I was filled immediately with heartache and regret as the beginning of last year began with the introduction of Maggie Fisher. Someone i have almost altogether forgotten about. She came in and fucked up my friendship with Scott, something that never fully recovered. Then things got better, i hated maggie. I became better friends with brandon and dan and lost touch almost completely with scott. Then ian came home. I spent so much time with him. Was convinced i liked him again, and i waited, for anything. And then, nothing happend. Time passed, i'm pretty sure that spring break happend. Dan came home, made out with dan on the rocks, dan went back to college after a week that i spent bouncing from work to school and didn't talk to dan, causing slight akwardness. Then dan started dating jenna, nothing happend to me. I went through an intense period of miss and i realized one and final time that i was not over scott. I told him, and he told me he had stopped liking me gradually since college and by december it was completely gone. I cried, i don't think i ever cried more than i cried that night in april. Scott went back to college, he and i got into it one night on the phone and we proceeded to not talk for two months. I got over him, i really did and my life began again. I made more friends, senior friends, i reconnected with the kids in town. I fell in love with my life again. Then the kids came home. Scott and i talked, fake made up, and remained at odds with eachother. One night, i called him, and just wanted to talk. We ended up talking unitl nearly two in the morning. I hung up the phone, and plugged it into the charger, back when my room was in a completely different configuration. I smiled to myself and then realized what i was thinking and told myself out loud just so it might sink in "don't go there again chelsea, just be his friend." And i went to bed. We continued talking, just about our lives and i felt like we were becoming friends all over again. Things in life were good. I was invited up to the lake by scott, brandon and dan were there, after i got off work. I went up there, hung out, it kept getting later, curfew came and went, i walked to my car with scott and that's where we kissed. He walked back down the hill and was chewed out for three or four hours, sent me a txt, and the next day we decided, it wasn't a mistake. I dated scott for almost a month, made out with him most of the time, and, just like apparently everyone knew, we broke up. Huge fight, big heart break, sinking hole of depression. A weak moment, ended friendship and hatred from his end to mine began. School started, just in time to save my life. Alienation developed between me and brandon and we didn't see eachother for perhaps the longest month of my life. School commenced and chamber choir took off. It also took hold ot my life. I made so many new friends and grew the connections i had already had with those i loved. I had a crush on Mitch, a retard hick that i only realized after it was obviously clear. Then i gave up on love, rather uncerimoniously. Then i just got bitter and decided having as many friends as i could would be the best idea. And i spend all my time hanging out with david and a lot of time with evan, realizing they are some of my best friends. So now my dad lost his job and i have done a complete 180 of my life. Look at all that shit... that's my life, in just the past year. I think that pretty much sums up my mind and every possible thought in it. This should make for an interesting dream.
I think it's all we can do. Robot chicken? Why the hell not?
posted by chelC | 11:23 PM
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