JeaLouSy, AnGer, AnD sWEEt PaRanoiA... TheSe aRE a feW oF MY faVoriTe thiNGS

Okay, so here is the deal. I don't know what to think. I am getting comflicting views surrounding the same subject and i can't stop thinking about my problems. The problem with this? I don't have time to be self indulging in all that could be going wrong. I don't have time for all the paranoia. Even if i know it as truth and it isn't just hearsay anymore, that won't ease up on my mind. I have a test tomorrow. One that i can't simply bullshit my way through. This isn't a math or science thing. This isn't logic. This is english, writing, explaining, delving deeper into the minds and seeing past what is plainly in the text. It requires deep thought and honestly, if i am being consumed and having my mind wander all the time, there is really no way i will be passing. This affected my last paper and if it gets to my test, i will be royally fucked to the max. I think that maybe this goes just a little beneath my skin. I always thought i knew my place. I always believed that i would have a place, and then one day you realize someone has stolen your name tag and taken over what wasn't even yours. How shity is that? I hate the idea of jealousy, but what i hate even more is being told not to be jealous. It is such a normal human emtion. Fuck everyone else because in know you have been jealous if you aren't jealous at present. And the thing is, i am most irratonal now. Not for anyone else. No one. What the fuck? May i just put that out there. No on is more surprised than me i gauruntee you. I can't sleep. I really don't want to. I am going to die. Work tomorrow. Pre-Calc work i haven't done. It's all just one thing or another. This really isn't as hard as i am making it out to be... right? I don't even know. all i can think is that i am staying up for no reason at all and just hoping. For no reason at all. Everyone feels the same things all the time. And i know that is happening now, i am just needing to find that person who is thinking like me and find them. god damn i need to find them. Talking is super fun, but i really want to just have a done and over with conversation. One that gets everything that is stagnant in the back of my mind, flowing and out of my system. God, i would be too tired even if i got my chance, but i still can't go to bed. No, it's really not going to happen. Oh! Why? Hmm? Why? I don't understand what it was all about! Where do i stand? Where do i fit in in this picture? Why did i go to purdue? Better question, why can't i go there all the time... If only....