wE LeFT ouR LoVE in OuR sUMmEr SkiN
I've said a lot of things i wish i hadn't... i've thought a lot of things i should never have thought... a lot of things bother me about the craziness that goes on inside of my head. But what's worse is what goes on inside my heart. We all try to be good people. Believe that we always do things with the right intentions and that we would never hurt someone for personal gain. I was wrong. I never even thought that i was right. But, today, sitting at my desk in Geometry, i was thinking. I never do anything in that class, but that is totally besides the point.
I assume it is the same way that a basketball player goes over the film a million times. Or the vivd image of that state championship game in which they took the winning shot. The one thing that would have forever changed them from being a runner up to a champion. I do that all the time. I can close my eyes and go back as far as i want to. Climbing through the trees at my uncles where the creek runs out of the forest; touching the trees and pretending i was a pixie. I can go back to a few summers ago and i am sleeping in chad's arms in his room. I can hear his heartbeat keep tempo with the rain that fell on the window. I can go back to a rainy day last summer some time in July. I was on a playground. I should have gotten out of the car. I could have done anything. But still, i am only a runner up, not a state champ.
And that's when people ask you, more like tell you in a puzzlig way. Everything happens for a reason. More importantly everything doesn't happen for a reason. And that quiets the wandering for about five seconds. Then you wander back in time again. Does this mean that the brain can travel at the speed of light? There is no way that i could feel things so vividly without traveling back in time, if not in body, at least in mind.
I guess sometimes i forget that there is living to be done. I run from one place to the next and can't find any relief in anything. I should remain an island for a while because i cannot decide what i want. I am toying with people's emotions. It's not because i don't have the sincerest of intent, it's just that intent changes so frequently. I have honest to god genuine feelings... about a lot of things and a lot of people. None of which seize any type of opportunity. No one is chasing me, but i'll keep running until someone pins me down. Reawr.. indeed.
I have to leave for work in about 15 minutes. It's not like i am going to be there long anyway...
There is just something so appealing about my bed, yet i can't bear the thought to have one more dream. I need to get a life. A real one this time. I am tired of running away from every type of security and responsibility. And creating a ton of tasks that are just so fucking useless... Oh come away with me... I'm gonna fall head over heals this time. And it's gonna be with someone who can follow me. The past was really nice. And in my mind they will always be perfect men. It's just where my mind meets reality where there have to be definite similarities. I'm getting closer. And lets face it... some will just never feel the same. Just because i may have a huge crush on Jake Gyllenhall does not mean that he will love me back... the same rules apply. We'll try this forget and move on thing one more time... what else can i do?
Oh how genuine we can be when we are miles and miles apart. Show me with your face and your actions that you can mean what you say.
*I will shed what was left of my summer skin.*
I assume it is the same way that a basketball player goes over the film a million times. Or the vivd image of that state championship game in which they took the winning shot. The one thing that would have forever changed them from being a runner up to a champion. I do that all the time. I can close my eyes and go back as far as i want to. Climbing through the trees at my uncles where the creek runs out of the forest; touching the trees and pretending i was a pixie. I can go back to a few summers ago and i am sleeping in chad's arms in his room. I can hear his heartbeat keep tempo with the rain that fell on the window. I can go back to a rainy day last summer some time in July. I was on a playground. I should have gotten out of the car. I could have done anything. But still, i am only a runner up, not a state champ.
And that's when people ask you, more like tell you in a puzzlig way. Everything happens for a reason. More importantly everything doesn't happen for a reason. And that quiets the wandering for about five seconds. Then you wander back in time again. Does this mean that the brain can travel at the speed of light? There is no way that i could feel things so vividly without traveling back in time, if not in body, at least in mind.
I guess sometimes i forget that there is living to be done. I run from one place to the next and can't find any relief in anything. I should remain an island for a while because i cannot decide what i want. I am toying with people's emotions. It's not because i don't have the sincerest of intent, it's just that intent changes so frequently. I have honest to god genuine feelings... about a lot of things and a lot of people. None of which seize any type of opportunity. No one is chasing me, but i'll keep running until someone pins me down. Reawr.. indeed.
I have to leave for work in about 15 minutes. It's not like i am going to be there long anyway...
There is just something so appealing about my bed, yet i can't bear the thought to have one more dream. I need to get a life. A real one this time. I am tired of running away from every type of security and responsibility. And creating a ton of tasks that are just so fucking useless... Oh come away with me... I'm gonna fall head over heals this time. And it's gonna be with someone who can follow me. The past was really nice. And in my mind they will always be perfect men. It's just where my mind meets reality where there have to be definite similarities. I'm getting closer. And lets face it... some will just never feel the same. Just because i may have a huge crush on Jake Gyllenhall does not mean that he will love me back... the same rules apply. We'll try this forget and move on thing one more time... what else can i do?
Oh how genuine we can be when we are miles and miles apart. Show me with your face and your actions that you can mean what you say.
*I will shed what was left of my summer skin.*
posted by chelC | 3:58 PM
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