i StiLL doN't KnoW wHAt LoVE MeAns
I don't think i have ever said it before, but Ray Lamontagne has one of the most sultry and amazing voices i have ever heard in my life. I find myself listening to Trouble and i can't put it down. I know why. But i... don't know. I just get those temporary mind lapses. I have this feeling as to why this album is so right for me in this moment, but i can't put it into words. Sometimes i just wish my life was in that movie where this girl, she may have been an extraterestrial but she takes this guys hand to explain what her feeling is and put his hand on her heart. Like between her boobs on her chest and he can just feel all of her pain. Mine isn't pain, it's just a feeling that i wish i could convey, but i lack the super human powers...
I wonder why it is that a man can walk around with his shirt off and it is socially acceptable. If i try it, it's totally wrong. Like if i even make the statement that i prefer to be not wearing a shirt, whoah! I'm still wearing a bra, it doesn't even matter. But still... riskay! Psh please. If you think fatty deposits are sexxy check out my love handles...
I didn't do anything today. Maybe that's why i am trying to make up for it by writing on here. It seems that during the day i have so much energy and i make all these plans. I was going to go running today instead of watching law and order. Only my favorite show in the world. But no, i didn't go running, and you are wrong if you think that i stayed here to watch Land and Order... i fucking fell asleep. But i may have mentioned that earlier. I missed two things. I also was going to find my pin for Pinnacle and check my grades, didn't happen, and i don't have motivation now. It's too late. I think that if i didn't have school bringin me down, i would be so much more active. I could have written a million things by now, or done quite a few drawings, but alas, none such has happend.
I really want to clean my room, but i don't know were to start. I have so much crap that i just can't get rid of. I mean, i could, but i don't want to. I like everything the way that it is, i just kinda feel cluttered. Maybe it's the shit that is covering every surface of my room. I think i am going to do something about it tonight. I slept for freak five hours today, i still have a ton of energy, shouldn't let it go to waste. If only sleeping for extended periods of time also increased our motivation... mmmm.
Life has hit another one of those inevitable lulls. I figure things will get more exciting after everyone comes home. The problem is, that i am not bored in the least. I may seem like it at this moment, because i am not conversing with any other human. At school, i am tons more fun than this. I never seem to have a dull moment there. This is this understood comeradery between me and the kids in my classes. There is just a different feeling there. I smile and make shitty comments and laugh. I missed laughing more than anything else. I also learned from myself that most situations that are amazing come from groups of threes. Fours, sometimes, very rarely. Just as sometimes best things come from two's. Maybe it's the fact that i have a thing abou odd numbers. They always are my favorites, for whatever reason. There might be something subconcious there, but i don't care to indulge in it. It's another one of those feelings that i wish i could express with you having your hand on my heart.
Something that i can't stop thinking about as of late, why is it that most people say all that they want is to fall in love? Like, there really is nothing else you want? So many songs that are written about love and wanting that? I wonder if most people in this world are not just masicists because they want something they can't have. If you ask anyone would they mind falling in love, i don't know that they would object. The thing that really amazes me, is the people who fall in love with eachother. Holy shit, that takes a lot of timing and perfect instances. Getting two people who can feel that much for eachother is something of a miracle. The times that i have fallen in love with someone and they have fallen in love with me back have been few and far between. But i have a ton of people around me who have fallen in love with people, and i would say myself as well, but that the other person does not reciprocate those feelings, at the time. Timing is a very big thing i figured out. It means almost being hit by that bus and having your ass blown away. It means having someone fall in love with you so completely, and having to walk away because they have finally found someone else. Your misfourtune is someone else's miracle.
I don't have anything else. Nothing left now but to ponder when something will happen to me next. It's been a good time. I have been more content now than ever. So content that i just want to sleep, or cry, or sing or something. I'm a ball of emotion. A sack of skin. I am a mirror, i shouldn't have memories, i should reflect the present. It does no good to reflect the past, that can only bring trouble and heartache... How i wish that thought was my own.
I wonder why it is that a man can walk around with his shirt off and it is socially acceptable. If i try it, it's totally wrong. Like if i even make the statement that i prefer to be not wearing a shirt, whoah! I'm still wearing a bra, it doesn't even matter. But still... riskay! Psh please. If you think fatty deposits are sexxy check out my love handles...
I didn't do anything today. Maybe that's why i am trying to make up for it by writing on here. It seems that during the day i have so much energy and i make all these plans. I was going to go running today instead of watching law and order. Only my favorite show in the world. But no, i didn't go running, and you are wrong if you think that i stayed here to watch Land and Order... i fucking fell asleep. But i may have mentioned that earlier. I missed two things. I also was going to find my pin for Pinnacle and check my grades, didn't happen, and i don't have motivation now. It's too late. I think that if i didn't have school bringin me down, i would be so much more active. I could have written a million things by now, or done quite a few drawings, but alas, none such has happend.
I really want to clean my room, but i don't know were to start. I have so much crap that i just can't get rid of. I mean, i could, but i don't want to. I like everything the way that it is, i just kinda feel cluttered. Maybe it's the shit that is covering every surface of my room. I think i am going to do something about it tonight. I slept for freak five hours today, i still have a ton of energy, shouldn't let it go to waste. If only sleeping for extended periods of time also increased our motivation... mmmm.
Life has hit another one of those inevitable lulls. I figure things will get more exciting after everyone comes home. The problem is, that i am not bored in the least. I may seem like it at this moment, because i am not conversing with any other human. At school, i am tons more fun than this. I never seem to have a dull moment there. This is this understood comeradery between me and the kids in my classes. There is just a different feeling there. I smile and make shitty comments and laugh. I missed laughing more than anything else. I also learned from myself that most situations that are amazing come from groups of threes. Fours, sometimes, very rarely. Just as sometimes best things come from two's. Maybe it's the fact that i have a thing abou odd numbers. They always are my favorites, for whatever reason. There might be something subconcious there, but i don't care to indulge in it. It's another one of those feelings that i wish i could express with you having your hand on my heart.
Something that i can't stop thinking about as of late, why is it that most people say all that they want is to fall in love? Like, there really is nothing else you want? So many songs that are written about love and wanting that? I wonder if most people in this world are not just masicists because they want something they can't have. If you ask anyone would they mind falling in love, i don't know that they would object. The thing that really amazes me, is the people who fall in love with eachother. Holy shit, that takes a lot of timing and perfect instances. Getting two people who can feel that much for eachother is something of a miracle. The times that i have fallen in love with someone and they have fallen in love with me back have been few and far between. But i have a ton of people around me who have fallen in love with people, and i would say myself as well, but that the other person does not reciprocate those feelings, at the time. Timing is a very big thing i figured out. It means almost being hit by that bus and having your ass blown away. It means having someone fall in love with you so completely, and having to walk away because they have finally found someone else. Your misfourtune is someone else's miracle.
I don't have anything else. Nothing left now but to ponder when something will happen to me next. It's been a good time. I have been more content now than ever. So content that i just want to sleep, or cry, or sing or something. I'm a ball of emotion. A sack of skin. I am a mirror, i shouldn't have memories, i should reflect the present. It does no good to reflect the past, that can only bring trouble and heartache... How i wish that thought was my own.
posted by chelC | 11:22 PM
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