aLL i KnOW iS i WaNNa kNoW anD aLL i ReALLy kNOw iS i DOn't WaNNa KnOW

I was sitting on the toilet not long ago, i know what a place for things to hit you, but i was there thinking. And i looked at something my RA had written on the end of another weekly "Potty Talk". It said, "I hope you have a great winter break, re-charge and come back refreshed for another semester of college. Remember you have quite a few more to go!" I thought of all the people I knew, who didn't make it through all those other semesters.
Tom. Tom only made it one whole semester didn't he? It's so weird to think about, but that's it. Ian didn't make it. He only made one semester too... weird. Two totally different people, two totally different reasons for leaving college. Scott only made it two semesters. He's back at a college now. But, here, only the two, not the many more. Maggie, i found out yesterday, also has called it quits. She made it much farther, just about halfway, but not all.
And then i thought of Maggie. Whether she would come to the G-spot for christmas. Why she came to the G-spot at all. I thought of her going back to michigan, where she belonged, and i thought of her coming to Indiana in the first place. Why Indiana? Had she not gone, we would prolly have never known her at all. I know it would make my life a lot more simple. I think a lot of the drama would have not been there. And that made me think why then? Why was she here?
I believe that everyone is in your life for a reason. And this is what perplexes me so much. What the hell was her purpose? What are the purposes of all the other people that are in my everyday life? It's such an odd question. Something that i don't think i'll ever be able to answer. But there is a reason that i have forgiven so many of the people in my life for hurting me. (I told brandon this weekend that i believe i am going for saint hood.) I just don't understand what that reason is. I guess if i was able to determine that i would have the answers to the universe, but i don't. I wish i had some idea. It would be interesting to know.
And then i think of why these people left college. Grades? Is that all? I do not have amazing grades this, my first semester of college. But they are good enough. I mean, i will pass all of my classes with at least a C. I don't think that's too bad for a first try. And now that i know the ropes, i have a feeling next semester will be better. The fact that i am taking way less credit hours and i have even cut back on work a little bit too. But how do these other people leave? Does drugs have anything to do with it? I think that maybe it does...
I have done some illegal drugs. I am not against the ones I have done. It's been primarily two. And hell, almost everything is illegal to me. But i don't think i could ever do anything scary like coke, heroine, LSD, or ecstacy. That to me is scary shit. Especially the coke. I found out that some of my friends have done this. Brandon being one of them. I lost a little respect for him, I'm not going to shugar coat that. I think it's wrong. It's something that could definately kill. I think it's stupid, i don't understand why someone would fuck with their life like that. It's... i can't even explain it. It makes my skin crawl. I feel so akward that people i know have/and still do that. I never thought i would be involved with people like that. I wonder if in some way, i have let myself down by letting them into my life.
It was a good weekend. That's for sure. It's only one more week till home.
Weird.
I hope that things will be good for me. I hope i make it out of this semester on a positive. And i hope that positive continues to follow me once i get back to the SB.