So ThiS iS tHe NeW YeAR anD i HaVe No REsoLutiOnS FoR SeLF aSsigNed pEnNAnCe FoR PRoBLems wiTh EasY sOLutiOns
Happy new year everyone. This is just another date to add to all of my others. I have had this thing for so long. I can look back and see just how much i have grown. And that my friends is a lot.
It is also remarkable in the way that i am able to sit there, spin my wheels, or end up just going in a big circle. I have done the same things over and over, not learned my lesson and am surprised when i recieve the same results. I'm not saying that i am going to change and this is a new chelsea. But i am smarter now, and i am trying. I guess that really just translates to me being more cynical. But, only about the people i know, if that makes any sense to anyone out there.
I don't expect anything amazing from most of the people that i know. I have made no judgements what-so-ever on the rest of the human race. I always will believe the best in people, but some, i have found is just a lost hope and i am honestly just frustrated and tired of it all.
I want to be free. To some you may not know what that understands, to others you may be able to play at guesses, but i think you're wrong no matter what you try and deduce. I am the only one who knows and who may ever know.
I just want to be free of it all.
There's so much that i want out of the world. How do i narrow that down to the things that i need and the things that i can actually get.
There's so much more that i want to say. I feel like a burden has been lifted since i left the SB but i am also filled with a great sadness. I miss my home and i did not want to go. What everyone told me was a lie. That this place i would come back to would feel similar and good but it would never be home again. It is home. It will always be my first home. I was talking to men when we talked about college and they want to grow up and start their own home. I nest. I miss my home. I'm better now, but i will prolly cry this week just to let it all out and start to get in the swing of things.
Silly. But fuck off.
This is my life. For better or worse.
It is also remarkable in the way that i am able to sit there, spin my wheels, or end up just going in a big circle. I have done the same things over and over, not learned my lesson and am surprised when i recieve the same results. I'm not saying that i am going to change and this is a new chelsea. But i am smarter now, and i am trying. I guess that really just translates to me being more cynical. But, only about the people i know, if that makes any sense to anyone out there.
I don't expect anything amazing from most of the people that i know. I have made no judgements what-so-ever on the rest of the human race. I always will believe the best in people, but some, i have found is just a lost hope and i am honestly just frustrated and tired of it all.
I want to be free. To some you may not know what that understands, to others you may be able to play at guesses, but i think you're wrong no matter what you try and deduce. I am the only one who knows and who may ever know.
I just want to be free of it all.
There's so much that i want out of the world. How do i narrow that down to the things that i need and the things that i can actually get.
There's so much more that i want to say. I feel like a burden has been lifted since i left the SB but i am also filled with a great sadness. I miss my home and i did not want to go. What everyone told me was a lie. That this place i would come back to would feel similar and good but it would never be home again. It is home. It will always be my first home. I was talking to men when we talked about college and they want to grow up and start their own home. I nest. I miss my home. I'm better now, but i will prolly cry this week just to let it all out and start to get in the swing of things.
Silly. But fuck off.
This is my life. For better or worse.
posted by chelC | 10:39 PM
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