i HaVe to SPeCuLate ThAT GoD mADe uS iNto CoRespOnDinG PuZzLe PiECes
I guess it's only been a day since i updated. Checking the date and feeling that i am incredibly pathetic for having nothing better to do. But i am in one of those moods where i just feel like writing and geting every spare thought out of my head so i can do some serious soul searching. After the occurances of the past few days and the most random of mood changes, which i guess i found out weren't so random at all, i feel that it is completely necessary to clear out... i just don't know how willing i am to that whole jive... and yes, i did just say jive.
Let's start on today. Today was a good day. I woke up didn't i? Well, i went about my everyday life. Talked to a few people. Found that a lot of them completely annoy me. I don't know how a lot of the day progressed... it just kinda went by. I found myself in physics. Kistler wasn't there which means i didn't get yelled at for not doing the make up assignment and i got an entire class period to work on homework. I didn't, but at least the option was out there. I ended up sitting in the back of class and after i completed one problem, i felt so satisfied that i closed my book and talked to Henry the rest of class. He had just gotten out of a heated debate as to the reason he hates retards (don't ask) and was feeling kinda down. I realize that you don't have to agree with every point that other people make, you simply have to understand where it is that they are coming from. Everyone simply shot down Henry because what he was saying wasn't exactly the Christian thing to do... that's a lot of the reason i hate my school. There is absolutely no room for tolerance and acceptance of a critical new thinking. Still, i talked to Henry for a very long time. I finally found out what this kid in my classes name was. It's Blake. He seems nice enough. He has interesting things to say and i found it quite humorous that Henry was absolutely convinced that i have had sex. I said something that eluded to the fact being i am a virgin and he did a double take. He really thought the air i had around me absolutely proved that i had been a free love kinda person. It made me smile. I like being someone that is not easily readable.
One thing in particular was that we discussed being content. I am in a way content. This is supposed to be a word that is synonomous with happy. False. In some ways content is close to happy, but they are not the same. This has been gone over time and time again and what i find is that content may be on the road to happiness, but it isn't. There is like this space that content lies in. It overlaps a little into happy and a little into indifference. For me, a lot of the time content pertains to me being indifferent about a situation. Not happy, but not terribly uspest. Things could go either way, meh. I just didn't like how everyone jumped on the band wagon of content being happy. Henry was the only one on my side. And we conviced Blake. A ver good reason as to why they are awesome. They thinkg outside of the box.
I have been having a lot of thought on long distance relationships as well. I don't think they exist. Henry doesn't think that highschool relationships exist at all. This stemmed from the sex talk. He said everything in highschool is basically a booty call. It was a specific instance when his friend has sex with some girl and then he didn't say anything after he was done and promptly left after ejaculation. There was nothing wrong with it in his eyes and the girl was somewhat put off by it. I think i may agree that highschool realtionships are nothing more than that. Not real love anyway. There are those hardcore fanatics of love out there that would agree with me and i say go ahead. There are exceptions i will grant you that, but for the most part, bootycall city. And i am okay with that because i never plan to have a relationship with someone inside of highschool. Yet, i was able to convince him that there is a very big difference between highschoolers have relationships with other highschoolers and highschoolers having realationships with those in college. I think those could be legitamately called love. There is some kind of commitment and outside driving force that makes them more special than something in the walls of penn could ever be. I also find that relationships between college kids aren't terribly serious either. A bit more of a booty call. I don't know what it is, but there is something so right and true about that statement. College and highschool just seem to have this invisible bond between them. The people, i just feel can be more compatible. Both parties are not together constantly and therefore have to have more of a basis for communication than sex because they don't get together that often. Long distance also means there is more talking, but i still believe that if you don't see eachother at least once a month if not every couple of weeks, it's doomed. I never found someone who agreed with me more than him. It was refreshing. I somehow feel there may be a story there for him, but i don't think now is the appropriate time to be pressing him for information... in good time.
So there isn't anything else. I felt good today. I wasn't happy, but things were better than bad. That doesn't happen often, i have to appreciate that. There are a few things in life that i still have to figure out and get off of my chest. I have a feeling it's going to take a while which the thought nearly kills me and this is not the place to have feelings bursting out of. I have a notebook for that.
Speaking of my notebook, i had no idea just exactly what that thing meant to me. But today in geometry i read through the entire thing, front to back. It turns out that i had taught myself the lesson in geometry because i thought that's what they did when i was gone, but i was wrong so i was ahead of everyone else and got the go ahead top basically sit out cause i had done all the home work too... yet, i did read all of my thoughts from the past year. I did smile. I cried. I basically had every human emotion that is possible. Something i never realized was exactly how much i hated. I hated people with sometimes all of my being. And these were my friends. It was a bad november i suppose. Preceeded by quite a few bad months. It's just life. Reading over mine, i know so much more now than i did. And i feel that i am still in the same spot of difficulty that i was. I'm moving on. No i'm not, but i am trying to be happy. At least let me have that.
Let's start on today. Today was a good day. I woke up didn't i? Well, i went about my everyday life. Talked to a few people. Found that a lot of them completely annoy me. I don't know how a lot of the day progressed... it just kinda went by. I found myself in physics. Kistler wasn't there which means i didn't get yelled at for not doing the make up assignment and i got an entire class period to work on homework. I didn't, but at least the option was out there. I ended up sitting in the back of class and after i completed one problem, i felt so satisfied that i closed my book and talked to Henry the rest of class. He had just gotten out of a heated debate as to the reason he hates retards (don't ask) and was feeling kinda down. I realize that you don't have to agree with every point that other people make, you simply have to understand where it is that they are coming from. Everyone simply shot down Henry because what he was saying wasn't exactly the Christian thing to do... that's a lot of the reason i hate my school. There is absolutely no room for tolerance and acceptance of a critical new thinking. Still, i talked to Henry for a very long time. I finally found out what this kid in my classes name was. It's Blake. He seems nice enough. He has interesting things to say and i found it quite humorous that Henry was absolutely convinced that i have had sex. I said something that eluded to the fact being i am a virgin and he did a double take. He really thought the air i had around me absolutely proved that i had been a free love kinda person. It made me smile. I like being someone that is not easily readable.
One thing in particular was that we discussed being content. I am in a way content. This is supposed to be a word that is synonomous with happy. False. In some ways content is close to happy, but they are not the same. This has been gone over time and time again and what i find is that content may be on the road to happiness, but it isn't. There is like this space that content lies in. It overlaps a little into happy and a little into indifference. For me, a lot of the time content pertains to me being indifferent about a situation. Not happy, but not terribly uspest. Things could go either way, meh. I just didn't like how everyone jumped on the band wagon of content being happy. Henry was the only one on my side. And we conviced Blake. A ver good reason as to why they are awesome. They thinkg outside of the box.
I have been having a lot of thought on long distance relationships as well. I don't think they exist. Henry doesn't think that highschool relationships exist at all. This stemmed from the sex talk. He said everything in highschool is basically a booty call. It was a specific instance when his friend has sex with some girl and then he didn't say anything after he was done and promptly left after ejaculation. There was nothing wrong with it in his eyes and the girl was somewhat put off by it. I think i may agree that highschool realtionships are nothing more than that. Not real love anyway. There are those hardcore fanatics of love out there that would agree with me and i say go ahead. There are exceptions i will grant you that, but for the most part, bootycall city. And i am okay with that because i never plan to have a relationship with someone inside of highschool. Yet, i was able to convince him that there is a very big difference between highschoolers have relationships with other highschoolers and highschoolers having realationships with those in college. I think those could be legitamately called love. There is some kind of commitment and outside driving force that makes them more special than something in the walls of penn could ever be. I also find that relationships between college kids aren't terribly serious either. A bit more of a booty call. I don't know what it is, but there is something so right and true about that statement. College and highschool just seem to have this invisible bond between them. The people, i just feel can be more compatible. Both parties are not together constantly and therefore have to have more of a basis for communication than sex because they don't get together that often. Long distance also means there is more talking, but i still believe that if you don't see eachother at least once a month if not every couple of weeks, it's doomed. I never found someone who agreed with me more than him. It was refreshing. I somehow feel there may be a story there for him, but i don't think now is the appropriate time to be pressing him for information... in good time.
So there isn't anything else. I felt good today. I wasn't happy, but things were better than bad. That doesn't happen often, i have to appreciate that. There are a few things in life that i still have to figure out and get off of my chest. I have a feeling it's going to take a while which the thought nearly kills me and this is not the place to have feelings bursting out of. I have a notebook for that.
Speaking of my notebook, i had no idea just exactly what that thing meant to me. But today in geometry i read through the entire thing, front to back. It turns out that i had taught myself the lesson in geometry because i thought that's what they did when i was gone, but i was wrong so i was ahead of everyone else and got the go ahead top basically sit out cause i had done all the home work too... yet, i did read all of my thoughts from the past year. I did smile. I cried. I basically had every human emotion that is possible. Something i never realized was exactly how much i hated. I hated people with sometimes all of my being. And these were my friends. It was a bad november i suppose. Preceeded by quite a few bad months. It's just life. Reading over mine, i know so much more now than i did. And i feel that i am still in the same spot of difficulty that i was. I'm moving on. No i'm not, but i am trying to be happy. At least let me have that.
posted by chelC | 7:59 PM
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