PiCk Me uP, i'VE LanDeD...

I am so terribly upset with myself.
I went three months without writing a thing. What a shame i am. I didn't want to do that anymore... Boo.
So things. Things are good i suppose. Still doin the whole engineering thing here are Purdue. I am still dating Brant.
Things have been a bit patchy there. I don't know what it is, but there is this whole new wave of emotion and that person that i never wanted to be, i feel like i am turning into. Little things upset me more than i would like them to, i feel more dependent on him than i would like to, and i don't know. It's just i feel so much more incredibly emotional and i fucking hate it.
I don't like snapping at him about completely unimportant things and i hate this feeling that i have that he just isn't trying. He takes and takes from the relationship without ever really giving me anything back, and i know that just isn't true. He does contribute, he is a very good and understanding boyfriend.
I think what is a major contributing factor to this is the looming of his graduation in three months. I can't believe how close it is getting. Knowing that he won't be around anymore. It kinda sucks because i have this sinking feeling that things are just not going to work out when he leaves. It'll end, and it will be horrible, and then we will all move on. It's just that bout of horrible that is really going to be painful.
I feel like there is so much more that I could go into.
Lauren quitting the program about a week before school started and her and i not really talking since.
The fact that i miss home terribly right now, for whatever reason. Prolly cause it's this time of year. I always loved my house in the fall and beginning of winter. It really felt like a home.
PFP is good, president is stressful. I love it. I'm trying really hard and i think things are improving. I don't really know. We'll just have to wait and see.
I miss David and Heidi. I miss Kathryn and Caitlin. I wish i could be with them.
I makes me feel so terribly unpopular being here at Purdue with only a handful of people i really like to hang out with. I know that if i was at IU i would not even have to worry about who i would live with and that on friday nights i would have awesomely fun adventures to go on that don't include going to be a bar.
I haven't talked to Brandon is such a long time.
I feel like i am losing who i used to be. Looking at all the people that i used to be friends with and how i don't even seem to care that i don't have contact with them at all anymore.
The priorities in my life have shifted and it's strange and i don't know that i like it. I know they have to change, i am not 16 anymore, shit i'm not 18 anymore. I have had this blog for over 5 years.
Reading this blog makes me nostalgic for all those things i used to do. Those adventures that i used to have. I never really had to try in school. I never lived in school the way that i live in school now. I eat breathe and sleep Purdue and engineering.
At least i can look at this and know that i have lived. I have met people and carried on those relationships. I know that sentence sounds weird and like i am going to stop living now, but that's not true. I am going to continue and rack up all those crazy memories of mine.
When i hear about people now going out and getting trashed on weekend and parties and all that stuff, staying out all night, feeling like such rebels, i feel like i am so terribly boring and missing out on my adolescence. But that isn't the case at all. I am a young adult now. When i actually was an adolescent doing these kinds of things, these people were at home by midnight. I just did my outrageous night life earlier in my life than most. I have to remember that.
It's a pity that i forget so easily.