iS iT PoSSiBLe YoU WeRE huRtiN wORsE thAN me? sTiLL whAt AbOuT wHat i NeED?
So i constantly wonder who it is that is making hits on my site. I know it's not me, I hardly come here. It's like walking in the woods, after a short period you just get lost and I can't be spending all of my time here... Plus, I just get too nostalgic for my own good. I get so confused looking at my life, I have to step away. This for me is like a dumping ground, somewhere to let it all out, but it's not a normal stomping ground of mine, and if I just don't want to think about it for a while I simply don't have to...
In other news...
My dreams have been messing with me something terrible. I don't even understand them, or remember them. I just wake up very uneasy and in a bad mood. It takes me a while to forgive whomever did what to me, and just get a grip on reality that I didn't do those things, and I have nothing to apologize for. At least there is that consolation.
I had this want last night for someone to come to the door... it could have been anyone. I just wanted someone to come into my life last night. I thought of a million different things, many different people, and i just wanted a happening. Why last night? Maybe because I was alone in the apartment last night, it was my first night back in town. Whatever it was that caused it, I just wanted someone to come in... and i could have called people, but it somehow just wouldn't have been right. I don't know what I'm trying to say right now, but I can feel it... it's the same way that I just want someone here right now.
It's almost about that loss of companionship. As i see it in other people, it looks nice. To have someone, that's always nice. But to have someone to hold you, that's something special. Unfortunately for me, I want to be held, but not forever... That type of companionship only looks good to me for so long. I'm just on that kick again where i kid myself that it's a good idea. I'm sure that I'll be over it again before too long, and hopefully before I do any serious damage...
I heard something today and I don't remember exactly where. I am fairly certain that it's famous, but I'm not entirely sure. It's something about someone, who had many many lovers, and it was a comment on his character. "He had so many lovers because he was afraid that he would never find one that could love him."
I saw a video that Ben posted the other day. It was with a Gnarles Barkley song "Who's gonna save my soul now" in the background. It said some really big and beautifully, painfully true things about when someone breaks up with you. I would highly reccommend youtubing it. I can't explain all of the ways that it speaks to me and makes me wonder about the decisions that I have made in my life that have gotten me to this point...
I'm living my life right now. There is nothing else that I can do. There is no enlightenment that I can share with you. I can share no worries or regrets. They are the burden of my life that no matter where I try and leave them, they will be with me until the end of this semester. I can only try, and try harder.
I am all I have... right?
In other news...
My dreams have been messing with me something terrible. I don't even understand them, or remember them. I just wake up very uneasy and in a bad mood. It takes me a while to forgive whomever did what to me, and just get a grip on reality that I didn't do those things, and I have nothing to apologize for. At least there is that consolation.
I had this want last night for someone to come to the door... it could have been anyone. I just wanted someone to come into my life last night. I thought of a million different things, many different people, and i just wanted a happening. Why last night? Maybe because I was alone in the apartment last night, it was my first night back in town. Whatever it was that caused it, I just wanted someone to come in... and i could have called people, but it somehow just wouldn't have been right. I don't know what I'm trying to say right now, but I can feel it... it's the same way that I just want someone here right now.
It's almost about that loss of companionship. As i see it in other people, it looks nice. To have someone, that's always nice. But to have someone to hold you, that's something special. Unfortunately for me, I want to be held, but not forever... That type of companionship only looks good to me for so long. I'm just on that kick again where i kid myself that it's a good idea. I'm sure that I'll be over it again before too long, and hopefully before I do any serious damage...
I heard something today and I don't remember exactly where. I am fairly certain that it's famous, but I'm not entirely sure. It's something about someone, who had many many lovers, and it was a comment on his character. "He had so many lovers because he was afraid that he would never find one that could love him."
I saw a video that Ben posted the other day. It was with a Gnarles Barkley song "Who's gonna save my soul now" in the background. It said some really big and beautifully, painfully true things about when someone breaks up with you. I would highly reccommend youtubing it. I can't explain all of the ways that it speaks to me and makes me wonder about the decisions that I have made in my life that have gotten me to this point...
I'm living my life right now. There is nothing else that I can do. There is no enlightenment that I can share with you. I can share no worries or regrets. They are the burden of my life that no matter where I try and leave them, they will be with me until the end of this semester. I can only try, and try harder.
I am all I have... right?
posted by chelC | 1:47 AM
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