yEaH yOu ARe BEAutiFuL, bUT YoU dOn'T meAN a ThiNG to Me...
I apologize in advance for being so Death Cab right now. All of the titles to my posts have been taken from their songs the past few times. Call it a lack of originality, call it that i can't really listen to much besides them. I have recently been shifting gears towards the Decemberists as of late, but there is still nothing that seems to calm me down as much as Death Cab.
It's cold in the office that I'm writing in. I am skipping an optional class right now. So i guess it's not really skipping. It's just kinda taking the not-so-smart option perhaps. Although, i doubt there is much i would have learned from that class today anyway. I wanted to do some homework in the mean time while still remaining on campus, but i can't remember my password and it would be a waste to go all the way home and do it now. Plus, i really just don't want to.
So i'm sitting here, almost relaxing. I feel fairly calm but when i start to think of the week and all that i need to do, i feel the stress come on in waves. Lately, i've just had an inner monolouge that says "fuck it" i forget about my duties and i continue on.
I think the thing that has me most worried/stressed is that tomorrow is IR. I have stuff that I should be doing for school and then there is prep, and workshops that i need to do to secure a summer internship, which i don't understand why i shouldn't get. Then again, i'll be saying that after i don't get one and am forced to find work doing something else this summer.... if anything, hopefully research.
I really had a good weekend and am already looking forward to the next. But i know that with the eventual weekend, there are a lot of obsticles between me and that rest. Three assignments for Calc, two physics, one post lab, one prelab, IR!!!!, ChE 205 problem set, and 8 almost 9 hours of work at the oasis. It's a lot, and i suppose it's what i wanted. But what i want, right now, right in this moment is to go home, open my private door, invite someone in, and have them sleep with me. Not in a sexual way, no no, i am far to chaste for anything so dramatic... I just want that intense calm that comes with having someone right there next to you while you sleep. It's like your heart is beating really fast, but in a euphoric way where everything slows down and sleep becomes an obvious choice.
I wish that i could decide what it is that i want. Thinking about everything makes it seem like a great idea, but when reality and actuality hit me out here, nothing ever happens. Maybe that's why fantasy is sought, because there are no plot flaws, no obvious other factors. Everything moves in a great sweep of destiny, fate, and life was meant to lead this moment to the next. But this is movie fairytale magic and is the exact reason it doesn't happen here.
What a waste.
Je vous aime. Je souhaite que je n'ai pas fait. Mais je toujours ferai. Au moins la personne que j'avais aimée.
Sorry that this feels so terribly depressing. I swear i'm not depressed. It's just that it was a rough night, i feel less than prepared for this week and i want what i can't have. Which is honestly just classic ChelC behavior.
It's cold in the office that I'm writing in. I am skipping an optional class right now. So i guess it's not really skipping. It's just kinda taking the not-so-smart option perhaps. Although, i doubt there is much i would have learned from that class today anyway. I wanted to do some homework in the mean time while still remaining on campus, but i can't remember my password and it would be a waste to go all the way home and do it now. Plus, i really just don't want to.
So i'm sitting here, almost relaxing. I feel fairly calm but when i start to think of the week and all that i need to do, i feel the stress come on in waves. Lately, i've just had an inner monolouge that says "fuck it" i forget about my duties and i continue on.
I think the thing that has me most worried/stressed is that tomorrow is IR. I have stuff that I should be doing for school and then there is prep, and workshops that i need to do to secure a summer internship, which i don't understand why i shouldn't get. Then again, i'll be saying that after i don't get one and am forced to find work doing something else this summer.... if anything, hopefully research.
I really had a good weekend and am already looking forward to the next. But i know that with the eventual weekend, there are a lot of obsticles between me and that rest. Three assignments for Calc, two physics, one post lab, one prelab, IR!!!!, ChE 205 problem set, and 8 almost 9 hours of work at the oasis. It's a lot, and i suppose it's what i wanted. But what i want, right now, right in this moment is to go home, open my private door, invite someone in, and have them sleep with me. Not in a sexual way, no no, i am far to chaste for anything so dramatic... I just want that intense calm that comes with having someone right there next to you while you sleep. It's like your heart is beating really fast, but in a euphoric way where everything slows down and sleep becomes an obvious choice.
I wish that i could decide what it is that i want. Thinking about everything makes it seem like a great idea, but when reality and actuality hit me out here, nothing ever happens. Maybe that's why fantasy is sought, because there are no plot flaws, no obvious other factors. Everything moves in a great sweep of destiny, fate, and life was meant to lead this moment to the next. But this is movie fairytale magic and is the exact reason it doesn't happen here.
What a waste.
Je vous aime. Je souhaite que je n'ai pas fait. Mais je toujours ferai. Au moins la personne que j'avais aimée.
Sorry that this feels so terribly depressing. I swear i'm not depressed. It's just that it was a rough night, i feel less than prepared for this week and i want what i can't have. Which is honestly just classic ChelC behavior.
posted by chelC | 10:39 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home