UnLess YoU GOT SomEThinG BettER tO dO, i'M sTicKin WiTh yOU
I made the robotics team. I wonder if i had written that down anywhere. I didn't make Chamber Choir. Sometimes life does work out just the way that you want it to. I am really excited about robo. I can't stop thinking about it. It very well may be the only reason i reprise one more season at penn. There is nothing else next year i am looking foreward to. This will make or break my senior year. Fingers crossed it makes. I am just kinda pissed that my mom isn't happy for me. My dad is excited, he wants me to do what makes me happy. He never knew i had any idea to want something like this, she is pissed cause when i asked her if she knew what this meant she said, "You won't be able to work and pay your bills, it'll conflict with choir, and i'm gonna have to pay for you to go places." Yea nationals. I hate choir. And i'll still work weekends... i don't understand her. She is never happy for me. Can't she see this is what i want? Something i applied for and am happy about? I really thought that was supposed to be the important thing when parenting is supporting your child when they discover what they like... silly me. What do i know?
I feel fine enough i guess... considering everything's a mess... But whatever. I am starting to not care again. I keep looking around my room and pacing. I feel kind like i wanna go run somewhere or start walking just as far as i can go... that would be my ideal. But it's chilly, there is school tomorrow, and i don't know what else. There are just some things in life that aren't feesable all the time.
I turn 17 in roughly twenty minutes... i don't know how i feel about that. I know that i am getting a 30 gig ipod and that makes me happy. I know that there won't be a moment in my life that i don't have music as soon as i get this. I have a feeling it's gonna kinda make my CD collection obsleste. I want to lend it out and spread the good music around my inner cirlce of friends. They need some help. 17. I always liked odd numbers more that i did even. Maybe this means that this year will be better than the last. Isn't that what we are always hoping for? Improvement? I had no big hopes for the 16th year of my life. It snuck in the middle of the night and here it will make another sneaky exit. Middle of the night. I kinda want to see it go. I hope it takes a lot of the shit with it.
There is something in that. The thought, i will never be 16 again. I have never had this kinda of realization with any other age. It's normal, i mean, 12 13 14 they are all gone. I won't miss them though. I am always celebrating the idea of a new age, new chapter, blah blah blah. But i will never be 16 again. I can never say that yea, i'm 16. I can never expirience the same things i did when i was 16. I did a lot of things this year. Some of them bad, more of them amazing. I had perhaps the best summer of my life. If i don't touch it and analyze it, if i preserve it in my mind thinking of all the great that happend, it will always be my favorite. Something i can never have at any other age. Friends that came and went. Changes, kisses, hugs, words, tears, a million different things... a million different places. A huge change, being left behind, being reunited, being torn apart. More change has occured in this year than any other which is perhaps why i am so reluctant to give it up. What would i give for one more day? What would any of us give?
There are memories of old hanging all over this place. People i've forgotten, faces i've never met. One thing remains, Adam Durtiz's voice. I can't express in words how much it is that he means to me. He has a way of phrasing things and no one will ever be able to challege him in my mind for all of eternity. I never would have thought that at age eight i would have found the most influential musician of my life, but sometimes it happens like that. It's just one of those things... No matter who comes along, new, old, whatever, no one will match them. The day he dies, i will go to his funeral. *It's everything i need*
I was reading a book the other day, and i came across the name Grant. It was the name of some General or something. But i never had that in my mind be fore and i think that i will make that a name of one of my children when i have them. I just, Grant, it's a great name. William and Grant are both amazing names. Thus shall be the name of the children. I won't have any girls. I am positive my ovaries have rejected that idea and will not accept any sperm that is carry another X chromosome. Just becuase they made the fateful mistake of choosing that letter, doesn't mean they are about to let a girl pop out of this dangerous mixture.
Four minutes... it's crazy.
I'm ready now... i think that i am going to lay down. Stare at my ceiling and wiat for morning to come. There's nothing else to do now... here we are. Here's to another day, another year, another chance to make mistakes and make memories that will make me smile for eternity. More importantly, here's to the night.
And here we are. Happy 17 to me.
I feel fine enough i guess... considering everything's a mess... But whatever. I am starting to not care again. I keep looking around my room and pacing. I feel kind like i wanna go run somewhere or start walking just as far as i can go... that would be my ideal. But it's chilly, there is school tomorrow, and i don't know what else. There are just some things in life that aren't feesable all the time.
I turn 17 in roughly twenty minutes... i don't know how i feel about that. I know that i am getting a 30 gig ipod and that makes me happy. I know that there won't be a moment in my life that i don't have music as soon as i get this. I have a feeling it's gonna kinda make my CD collection obsleste. I want to lend it out and spread the good music around my inner cirlce of friends. They need some help. 17. I always liked odd numbers more that i did even. Maybe this means that this year will be better than the last. Isn't that what we are always hoping for? Improvement? I had no big hopes for the 16th year of my life. It snuck in the middle of the night and here it will make another sneaky exit. Middle of the night. I kinda want to see it go. I hope it takes a lot of the shit with it.
There is something in that. The thought, i will never be 16 again. I have never had this kinda of realization with any other age. It's normal, i mean, 12 13 14 they are all gone. I won't miss them though. I am always celebrating the idea of a new age, new chapter, blah blah blah. But i will never be 16 again. I can never say that yea, i'm 16. I can never expirience the same things i did when i was 16. I did a lot of things this year. Some of them bad, more of them amazing. I had perhaps the best summer of my life. If i don't touch it and analyze it, if i preserve it in my mind thinking of all the great that happend, it will always be my favorite. Something i can never have at any other age. Friends that came and went. Changes, kisses, hugs, words, tears, a million different things... a million different places. A huge change, being left behind, being reunited, being torn apart. More change has occured in this year than any other which is perhaps why i am so reluctant to give it up. What would i give for one more day? What would any of us give?
There are memories of old hanging all over this place. People i've forgotten, faces i've never met. One thing remains, Adam Durtiz's voice. I can't express in words how much it is that he means to me. He has a way of phrasing things and no one will ever be able to challege him in my mind for all of eternity. I never would have thought that at age eight i would have found the most influential musician of my life, but sometimes it happens like that. It's just one of those things... No matter who comes along, new, old, whatever, no one will match them. The day he dies, i will go to his funeral. *It's everything i need*
I was reading a book the other day, and i came across the name Grant. It was the name of some General or something. But i never had that in my mind be fore and i think that i will make that a name of one of my children when i have them. I just, Grant, it's a great name. William and Grant are both amazing names. Thus shall be the name of the children. I won't have any girls. I am positive my ovaries have rejected that idea and will not accept any sperm that is carry another X chromosome. Just becuase they made the fateful mistake of choosing that letter, doesn't mean they are about to let a girl pop out of this dangerous mixture.
Four minutes... it's crazy.
I'm ready now... i think that i am going to lay down. Stare at my ceiling and wiat for morning to come. There's nothing else to do now... here we are. Here's to another day, another year, another chance to make mistakes and make memories that will make me smile for eternity. More importantly, here's to the night.
And here we are. Happy 17 to me.
posted by chelC | 11:32 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home