aLL thE GLoRy tHaT thE LoRd HaS MADe anD thE CoMpLiCAtiOns yOU cOULd Do wiThoUT WHeN i kiSsEd yOu oN thE mOuth...
So it's been a little while since i decided to update this thing. I usually don't try to put too much of myself out there. Don't want to flood the market place with me. I lose all value...
So... what's happend... what's happend...?
I still go to college. I still do homework a lot of the time. I still go to dinner most night and have fun in general. My valentine's day was absolute hell. I had so much freakin homework and was completely stressed out by it. But, it was okay, cause... that's life. It gets better, it gets worse, but that's all that there is.
On saturday, I finally went out and met that physics major matt. Who, it turns out is also a math and theater major and may use none of his majors in the future. But that's okay. He was interesting, something really different. We met for coffee down at that Village Coffee House. Very nice place. I remember listening to Sufjan on the way there and the way that my foot steps went perfectly with the piano in one of the songs. I walked there like someone outside of myself... Just watching a girl walk on a cold street.
We talked about politics, we talked about classes, majors, life, science, phsyics, the future... i feel like we discussed everything. Nothing was off limits, and it was really nice to talk to someone that i feel like i had so much in common with. Where i didn't know much, i feel like he knew a lot and vice versa. After the coffee shop we went on a walk all around campus. He had google earthed the memorial mall and wanted to see it from the ground. So we walked there and just kept going. I can't name a building that we didn't walk past that night. And just as we finished walking past a row of the fraternities on capmus and rounded around the black cultural center it started to rain lightly. We walked back to my dorm room and he came up. We listened to the rain and some sufjan while we talked... and talked... until 5 in the morning. I was amazed, i came back from the bathroom and looked at the clock and... boom, 5! It felt like no time had passed at all.
The one thing that I found so amazing about him was that he had faith. And i don't mean that he was really religious, but that he just could believe. I mean, he's a physics major and everything is based on science in that world, numbers, and he ever said it's kinda hard to have religion in such a major. But i really loved the way he explained it. Something like, everything is too perfect in the universe for this to be chance. All of these equations work out so perfectly, everything in our bodies works in such perfection it's ridiculous. The mathematical chances that all of this is by chance is something like 1 in 1000 or something.
His positivity of life is like something that i have never seen in a guy. It blew me a little away. He just makes so much sense. He always explains his point of view with science and not just bullshit ideas, like proven theories... he's just so intelligent.
I walked him downstairs a little after five and stood at the door. Not knowing how we say goodbye. We ended up hugging and he ended up kissing me. And it was good... really good. And something that seems to usually happen to me, happend again. It was like he breathed a sigh of relief. He told me that i was the kind of girl he could see himself dating...
Hold on.
Not just that, but that i was sweet, intelligent, and he could go on and on...
No seriously, wait a minute.
Mackenzie said i act kinda like a man. I really don't know that i like hearing all of this right away. Whether or not he has been attracted to me for the past 5 months that we have been talking is something i don't know. But it feels weird to me to just let that all out there right after a kiss. It's a lot to take. With all the unexpectedness of that, throw in some feelings that seem really strong, i don't know. I feel... weird.
I have a hard time trying to adjust to thinking about being in a relationship with someone. It's exciting that it's new and don't know what's coming... also kinda nervewracking. Things working out, things not working out, just enjoying my life, having problems. It's a whole new struggle going through it with someone else... Does he make it good enough to make it worth the bad times?
Yes. I think so.
Right now i am seeing that i need other people to be moving in the same direction as me. My personal connection with someone can only become as deep as it has because we share common ideas, not saying that from time to time we can't disagree. But it's about respect.
I feel like he can respect me, i feel like he could be a huge change with me, and that's scary as hell. Something that isn't doomed from the beginning.... something that might last.
So that was last week. We've basically talked everyday. I'm not bored of him, which i find happens to me often. This might work. Wow. I don't know that i've ever said that and believed it.... really.
Only wrench in that sysyem is i think i am still hung up on Dan... ugh.
So... what's happend... what's happend...?
I still go to college. I still do homework a lot of the time. I still go to dinner most night and have fun in general. My valentine's day was absolute hell. I had so much freakin homework and was completely stressed out by it. But, it was okay, cause... that's life. It gets better, it gets worse, but that's all that there is.
On saturday, I finally went out and met that physics major matt. Who, it turns out is also a math and theater major and may use none of his majors in the future. But that's okay. He was interesting, something really different. We met for coffee down at that Village Coffee House. Very nice place. I remember listening to Sufjan on the way there and the way that my foot steps went perfectly with the piano in one of the songs. I walked there like someone outside of myself... Just watching a girl walk on a cold street.
We talked about politics, we talked about classes, majors, life, science, phsyics, the future... i feel like we discussed everything. Nothing was off limits, and it was really nice to talk to someone that i feel like i had so much in common with. Where i didn't know much, i feel like he knew a lot and vice versa. After the coffee shop we went on a walk all around campus. He had google earthed the memorial mall and wanted to see it from the ground. So we walked there and just kept going. I can't name a building that we didn't walk past that night. And just as we finished walking past a row of the fraternities on capmus and rounded around the black cultural center it started to rain lightly. We walked back to my dorm room and he came up. We listened to the rain and some sufjan while we talked... and talked... until 5 in the morning. I was amazed, i came back from the bathroom and looked at the clock and... boom, 5! It felt like no time had passed at all.
The one thing that I found so amazing about him was that he had faith. And i don't mean that he was really religious, but that he just could believe. I mean, he's a physics major and everything is based on science in that world, numbers, and he ever said it's kinda hard to have religion in such a major. But i really loved the way he explained it. Something like, everything is too perfect in the universe for this to be chance. All of these equations work out so perfectly, everything in our bodies works in such perfection it's ridiculous. The mathematical chances that all of this is by chance is something like 1 in 1000 or something.
His positivity of life is like something that i have never seen in a guy. It blew me a little away. He just makes so much sense. He always explains his point of view with science and not just bullshit ideas, like proven theories... he's just so intelligent.
I walked him downstairs a little after five and stood at the door. Not knowing how we say goodbye. We ended up hugging and he ended up kissing me. And it was good... really good. And something that seems to usually happen to me, happend again. It was like he breathed a sigh of relief. He told me that i was the kind of girl he could see himself dating...
Hold on.
Not just that, but that i was sweet, intelligent, and he could go on and on...
No seriously, wait a minute.
Mackenzie said i act kinda like a man. I really don't know that i like hearing all of this right away. Whether or not he has been attracted to me for the past 5 months that we have been talking is something i don't know. But it feels weird to me to just let that all out there right after a kiss. It's a lot to take. With all the unexpectedness of that, throw in some feelings that seem really strong, i don't know. I feel... weird.
I have a hard time trying to adjust to thinking about being in a relationship with someone. It's exciting that it's new and don't know what's coming... also kinda nervewracking. Things working out, things not working out, just enjoying my life, having problems. It's a whole new struggle going through it with someone else... Does he make it good enough to make it worth the bad times?
Yes. I think so.
Right now i am seeing that i need other people to be moving in the same direction as me. My personal connection with someone can only become as deep as it has because we share common ideas, not saying that from time to time we can't disagree. But it's about respect.
I feel like he can respect me, i feel like he could be a huge change with me, and that's scary as hell. Something that isn't doomed from the beginning.... something that might last.
So that was last week. We've basically talked everyday. I'm not bored of him, which i find happens to me often. This might work. Wow. I don't know that i've ever said that and believed it.... really.
Only wrench in that sysyem is i think i am still hung up on Dan... ugh.
posted by chelC | 12:18 AM
1 Comments:
Well written article.
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