wAsTeD TiMe RunNinG SCaRed wHen aLL a LoVe nEeDS is tO Be BeLiEvED iN

I have been writing on this online journal of sorts rounding on three years now. I am going to be honest with you and tell you that i never thought that this would last. I always seem to make the time, find the time, waste my time updating my thoughts. And another lie that i won't tell you is that everytime that i do update, at least most moments such as this one, i feel like it is a complete waste of my time. When am i actually going to get around to reading all of this rubbish anyway? Well, funny thing, i more often than not, have that occasional night when things in my life seem to be happening when they have already happend before and i re-read the things that i have written here and feel all of the emotion, see the small moments of wisdom that come and go so fast and feel better seeing when i have come from and a shaded path of just where i might end up.
On this day, the Counting Crows finally released a new studio album and i could not be happier with the results. I love the way that Adam Duritz sings to my heart. He is wrathy and angry, and so mournful and sad. He is the bipolar man in me and makes me feel more than most other people have in my entire life. Isn't that such a weird thing? I don't care, i love him reguardless, and someday i hope that he loves me too.
I walk around the campus in the sunshine and i wonder about all the things that i have to do today. Where am i going? What's going to happen when i get there? Who have i seen today? How did they make my day better or worse? Did that kid just flirt with me? Did i just make a new friend? There are so many thoughts like that that pass by in about five seconds. Then i take a deep breath and i am instantly ushered away by my memories to times when i am sitting next to lakes staring off into the distance wondering if every day of my life can be filled with this much joy. Will i ever feel that complete again? I wonder how people are from time to time. I see how much things have changed since i last knew them. It's not just our relationship that has changed with time, it's the way that i dress, the parking garage that exists that didn't before, it's the way that i didn't know my way around campus... it's so much more than a way that two people do, or rather, do not talk these days.
Me and Paul were discussing last night all the ways that we have changed since we have come to college. The things that we do, and we both find a very comforting thing being here. We love to go home and see all of those people, but there is something about the way that we belong here always makes it hard to leave. I can't imagine my life anywhere else. I think that's the way it's probably supposed to be... I never thought that my life could be so fulfilling without so many of the people that i swore would always be a part of it.
Something else that we discussed was where we want to go with our lives. I have a general idea, but there are so many things that i want to do. I want to travel, but i want to have a great job, but i want to have a husband and children with a stable home life full of love and family. And that is a lot, and i can't have it all... I think if i had to choose, i would just want the family. It's like a dream i never thought was really all that mine, but i think that i was wrong. I think that is what my life should be. That's what makes life worth living... doesn't it?
Well, i am done.
What else can i tell you? I can only ponder on the ideas of my life for so long.
I'm gonna go on a date.