yEs AnD oNLy iF hE wAS LyiNG by Me....
I can't believe how much life is changing and yet how much more i still have to go through in just the next couple of years.
College is such a rocky time in life. Everyone is working hard to make it to the next step, a life with a job and responsibility. But unknowingly, we all have this responsibility to graduate which is huge in itself. Not only that but everything around us is changing. All of the people we know are different, finding their priorities (or lack thereof). We are all having adventures and making mistakes, falling in love, dealing with broken hearts, making connections, and missing what we used to know. And i miss what i used to know, but i do not regret a single moment. I am embracing all of the change, and it's really the only thing that any of us can do. It's also so much harder than you could ever imagine.
How do you fall for someone two years older than you, who will graduate in just one, ONE, year and leave. Not very far, but they just won't be around anymore. They are on their own journey, finding their place, meetin people. I feel like it's impossible to find someone who is on the same path as you and actually stay together through the toughest years ahead. But i guess that just means that all you can do is enjoy the time that you have together.... i just don' t understand why that time always has to be so limited. It's hard enough to know you won't even have the summer because of internships and financial situations. Time is slipping away.
I keep going in circles with my friendships and i value them all so much that i just want to spend time with all of them, all the time and laugh. I'm friends with scott again, and no one seems to believe me when i say that i really feel that it will work this time. I can see him being one of my best friends and confiding in him all my problems because i trust him. He never really has given me reason that he can't be trusted with my thoughts. He never sold me out, talked about things that i didn't want discussed. He kept my secrets. I vaule that more than i could ever explain. Things are just so different. I had time, and he had time, and i know that i moved on, and i'm sure that he's moved on, in one way or another. He seems like such a different person. I see this light in him that i have honestly never seen before. He has his shit together and it makes me so proud, and happy, and i just wanna give him a hug.
Liking someone else and having feelings for someone else, just makes it so much easier to be friends with ex-boyfriends.
Scott and i hung out two nights ago and did what we always do. But there wasn't this cloud, there wasn't this unspoken void between the two of us. It didn't feel like we were grasping at a friendship that used to exist so beautifully and we both knew could never reach that again. So we had sat in silence.... hating the feeling and knowing an eventual end. But that was the past and this was so differnet. It was like the first time. I am just so happy with the way that my life is being lived, and he seems to really have some direction and he seems happy with his life. It also felt like the first time in a long time that he was genuinely happy to see me, and i was genuinely happy to see him. We had so much to discuss, we had so many things that we could laugh about. We have such a past, and that only seems to add to our friendship. We're been through so much. We know so much about eachother's lives. I knew how much i missed this, but i can't tell you how nice it is to have my friend back.
I don't know what's going to come of my life now. I don't really care at the moment. I am going to be an aunt, all of my friends will be back this summer. I have been able to reconnect with my past friend, my current friends will always be there for me, and i am so ready for everything that is yet to come in my future. My life is so full and i am just so happy in this moment and hopefully for many moments after this.
College is such a rocky time in life. Everyone is working hard to make it to the next step, a life with a job and responsibility. But unknowingly, we all have this responsibility to graduate which is huge in itself. Not only that but everything around us is changing. All of the people we know are different, finding their priorities (or lack thereof). We are all having adventures and making mistakes, falling in love, dealing with broken hearts, making connections, and missing what we used to know. And i miss what i used to know, but i do not regret a single moment. I am embracing all of the change, and it's really the only thing that any of us can do. It's also so much harder than you could ever imagine.
How do you fall for someone two years older than you, who will graduate in just one, ONE, year and leave. Not very far, but they just won't be around anymore. They are on their own journey, finding their place, meetin people. I feel like it's impossible to find someone who is on the same path as you and actually stay together through the toughest years ahead. But i guess that just means that all you can do is enjoy the time that you have together.... i just don' t understand why that time always has to be so limited. It's hard enough to know you won't even have the summer because of internships and financial situations. Time is slipping away.
I keep going in circles with my friendships and i value them all so much that i just want to spend time with all of them, all the time and laugh. I'm friends with scott again, and no one seems to believe me when i say that i really feel that it will work this time. I can see him being one of my best friends and confiding in him all my problems because i trust him. He never really has given me reason that he can't be trusted with my thoughts. He never sold me out, talked about things that i didn't want discussed. He kept my secrets. I vaule that more than i could ever explain. Things are just so different. I had time, and he had time, and i know that i moved on, and i'm sure that he's moved on, in one way or another. He seems like such a different person. I see this light in him that i have honestly never seen before. He has his shit together and it makes me so proud, and happy, and i just wanna give him a hug.
Liking someone else and having feelings for someone else, just makes it so much easier to be friends with ex-boyfriends.
Scott and i hung out two nights ago and did what we always do. But there wasn't this cloud, there wasn't this unspoken void between the two of us. It didn't feel like we were grasping at a friendship that used to exist so beautifully and we both knew could never reach that again. So we had sat in silence.... hating the feeling and knowing an eventual end. But that was the past and this was so differnet. It was like the first time. I am just so happy with the way that my life is being lived, and he seems to really have some direction and he seems happy with his life. It also felt like the first time in a long time that he was genuinely happy to see me, and i was genuinely happy to see him. We had so much to discuss, we had so many things that we could laugh about. We have such a past, and that only seems to add to our friendship. We're been through so much. We know so much about eachother's lives. I knew how much i missed this, but i can't tell you how nice it is to have my friend back.
I don't know what's going to come of my life now. I don't really care at the moment. I am going to be an aunt, all of my friends will be back this summer. I have been able to reconnect with my past friend, my current friends will always be there for me, and i am so ready for everything that is yet to come in my future. My life is so full and i am just so happy in this moment and hopefully for many moments after this.
posted by chelC | 1:43 PM
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