iT's ONLy a MaTtER oF tiME bEfOrE wE aLL BuRN
Dear me, another month has gone and gotten away from me. I am only about a month away from getting back to school and having to answer a lot of questions that i have definately just put on hold this summer. About what i really am going to do next year, being involved in the FIRST, all my friends that i haven't seen... and of course what's going to happen between me and brant.
I feel like i'm always saying it, but i don't know any other way to express just how much i am ready to go back to West Lafayette. Especially with the events over the past couple weeks i feel it more than ever. I fear that if i don't get out of here soon, i might have a row with my close friends and i don't want it to end on a bad note. I would like us to go back to our respective schools with a sense that we love and will miss one another.
That and i miss my friends from school. I was so much more carefree down there. While i was not rolling in the dough as much as i am right now, i had more of a life down there. I could see my friends as much as i want and the only responsibility i had was to do my best at school. Do my homework and all the other time was mine to do with what i please. I feel like all anyone wants to do up here is drink with me. That's all we do. We get drunk, we laugh a lot, dance, all that good stuff, but then all i have to show for it are some fairly retarded pictures and a hang over. While some might be good times, i feel like there are better things. More important things.... I'm not sure what those are, but i just feel very weird right now.
It's one of those things when i end up sitting at home by myself for a few hours and just think. I think perhaps just a little too much and i get into my head too much. I want to grow up, but i don't want to grow up that much. I find myself on over load and my summer isn't much of a break for me at all. I worry about finances and how i am going to afford my life this next year. Apartment, phone bill, groceries, and general life expenses. I don't know how my family is going to get through the next fiscal year. I don't know how i am going to get an internship or find someone that is going to be worthy of marrying, or that i might even consider let them putting their penis near me.
More importantly in my life, i have finally become an aunt. Garrett was born on June 27. I haven't gotten to see him yet except for pictures, but i really can't wait. He is adorable. It's just such a weird thing to think that my sister has now a little baby that is made of her. It's just something completely unbelieveable. I feel like we were just kids sitting in the backyard. She was my older sister who i rivaled with. Who i never got along with. Who's life i made hell. Who fought with me and nearly killed me a couple of times. The girl that screamed at me that she hated me and she would get out of this place and never talk to me again. Comepletely forget about me. And then i think about moments where we were close. We cried together because we didn't want our mommy to walk out on us. We were in a closet afraid that someone would get hurt. We prayed for calm to come. I made her laugh before she walked down the aisle and she stopped crying for at least a moment. I kept her grounded. I won't pretend that we have a perfect relationship. If anything, we are broken as anything. But somehow we come together and we look past it and enjoy the moments that we have loved eachother and forget the times we fought. Whether it's because we've grown up, or whatever, it is what it is. Every day can only be as we make it.
Well, happy fourth of July. or fifth. in any event, i'll be watching the fireworks.
I feel like i'm always saying it, but i don't know any other way to express just how much i am ready to go back to West Lafayette. Especially with the events over the past couple weeks i feel it more than ever. I fear that if i don't get out of here soon, i might have a row with my close friends and i don't want it to end on a bad note. I would like us to go back to our respective schools with a sense that we love and will miss one another.
That and i miss my friends from school. I was so much more carefree down there. While i was not rolling in the dough as much as i am right now, i had more of a life down there. I could see my friends as much as i want and the only responsibility i had was to do my best at school. Do my homework and all the other time was mine to do with what i please. I feel like all anyone wants to do up here is drink with me. That's all we do. We get drunk, we laugh a lot, dance, all that good stuff, but then all i have to show for it are some fairly retarded pictures and a hang over. While some might be good times, i feel like there are better things. More important things.... I'm not sure what those are, but i just feel very weird right now.
It's one of those things when i end up sitting at home by myself for a few hours and just think. I think perhaps just a little too much and i get into my head too much. I want to grow up, but i don't want to grow up that much. I find myself on over load and my summer isn't much of a break for me at all. I worry about finances and how i am going to afford my life this next year. Apartment, phone bill, groceries, and general life expenses. I don't know how my family is going to get through the next fiscal year. I don't know how i am going to get an internship or find someone that is going to be worthy of marrying, or that i might even consider let them putting their penis near me.
More importantly in my life, i have finally become an aunt. Garrett was born on June 27. I haven't gotten to see him yet except for pictures, but i really can't wait. He is adorable. It's just such a weird thing to think that my sister has now a little baby that is made of her. It's just something completely unbelieveable. I feel like we were just kids sitting in the backyard. She was my older sister who i rivaled with. Who i never got along with. Who's life i made hell. Who fought with me and nearly killed me a couple of times. The girl that screamed at me that she hated me and she would get out of this place and never talk to me again. Comepletely forget about me. And then i think about moments where we were close. We cried together because we didn't want our mommy to walk out on us. We were in a closet afraid that someone would get hurt. We prayed for calm to come. I made her laugh before she walked down the aisle and she stopped crying for at least a moment. I kept her grounded. I won't pretend that we have a perfect relationship. If anything, we are broken as anything. But somehow we come together and we look past it and enjoy the moments that we have loved eachother and forget the times we fought. Whether it's because we've grown up, or whatever, it is what it is. Every day can only be as we make it.
Well, happy fourth of July. or fifth. in any event, i'll be watching the fireworks.
posted by chelC | 11:49 PM
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