wE'Re sTiLL fiGhtinG it, we'Re sTiLL fiGhTinG it

And it's okay, yes it's okay.
Cause we know we won't get through, we won't get through this, can't pull up now, we won't make it out now, alive...
Can you tell me he's right, can you tell me i'm wrong. Can you hear that i'm sorry, can i tell that your gone. Can you say we'll last forever, can you hear that you're gone. Can you try and hide the facts, can you tell that you're gone.
Please, please, please, remember.... ooohoooh... remember... ooohooh.. do you see.... ooohooh. Please.... remember your place. Just like the outlines of my face. The curve of of your smile, that laugh that drove you wild. Remember.
It's not our time to fade away. It's not the crossroads we predict. It's not the story we all remember. It's new.

I never believed in using any kind of physical advantage when trying to find someone. I refuse to wear low cut tops to expose... anything. That really would be my only advantage... but i would never utelize it. It's wrong. I wanted to find someone who would fall for me. You know, the person who was talking.

Yea we're fallin' apart, not goin' down together. I can only remember, when we did this. When did this before. And the marks that we shown. We didn't win. I didn't win. She won.

A little piece of me is always going to be holding on. Don't tell me that your piece is dead. It makes me believe it was never alive to start with. If you are not dead than neither is it, and vise versa.

I find that it's little comments. Thoughts of hope and despair that make up life. Long drawn out explanations seem overdone now. Perhaps it is just the mood i've aquired. It's like someone keeps changing the radio station. Thoughts, like songs pour out for a moment before i am done with them, completely bored. Or that song is tied to a memory to close that i have to change the station. It hurts too badly too keep it for much longer.
I wonder where we all have disappeared to.
You didn't have to delete that post. I don't know exactly what spurred you to make it. You prolly just wanted to be honest, you didn't have anything to hide. You didn't do anything wrong. And because of that, you shouldn't privatize it, or delete it, it should stand proud, a memory in your mind.
I wish all the memories in my mind i could share with everyone. When we are older, i will make it my business. Make sure that i am married, and have had no contact with anyone i wirte for at least five years. I don't know how i'll find you, and at that point, i don't think i will stop until i do. And should i find that you are dead, i will write anyway and leave it to your grave. You can read all you want in heaven.
I have been too careful to refrain from using the word love. And when i do use it, people automatically jump to conclusions that are preposterous. Or they jump to conclusions that are right on the spot. Either way, i love you.

.....
It's hard to overcome a rivalry. Especially a fight between friends. Especailly a fight between stubborn friends with short fuses when it comes to beating around the bush. But all i have to say, is that on a site not one week ago, it said to let it all go. Every second you spend upset or angry is a second of happiness you have wasted or can never get back. You have wasted two days of my life. One, waiting for contact, anything, a fuck you, a thank you, a sorry, a you're forgiven. But you wasted one day. And the second i stopped. I left my house, with options. It wasn't until i stopped that you realized for a second you were wrong in what you'd done. Maybe you hadn't felt that. But i hope you do. Because, i, unlike you, always return my phone calls when i recieve them.
"I haven't had time."
I've always made time.
none of this is directed at all parties reading this. Some of you may jump to conclusions and believe that it is you, when it is not. Do not think so hard. Read it, and just understand that life is a killer. You have to know how to vent. Not to attack others that lay victim. I'm tired of fighting. Tired of fighting you, and him, and him, and her. Tired of lying to you. Tired of being depressed. Tired of crying. Tired of feeling this knife twist in my stomach. But i am not tired of loving. I'm not tired of your laugh.
There is a moment that we have to take back all of the negative thoughts we had. All of the doubt in eachother and in ourselves.
I have to return these CDs.
I can hear the lark out my window. Spring has arrived. I hope it's brought life with it.

iT's YoUR biRthDAy DArLin', We LovE you veRY veRy VeRy muCH

I wish i were you, for you find life worth living. Through your eyes, i feel a commonplace. A home. Somewhere, someone is waiting. Their eyes will lift to the clock as it strikes midnight and wait, wait for your shadow to appear. On the veranda, their eyes will cling to the light, hovering on the hope that a silhouettte will fall and they will rush to you. They are your reason, your ever fight for life. hmp. But i stand here, and look into your eyes. They brandish no fear that you will not meet them. There is a hatred for me. I see that burn with every second i hold you here. Because for every second after midnight that passes, a little more of her believes that you are dead. She believes she will never see your face or feel your kiss again. It is not my intention to make you late good sir. But i must know, what is it that makes this life worth all of your troubles. To fight with your hands, scraping death time and time again. Liberty? For what is good for the public? Surely you do not mean that this is motivation, good. Simply good? You do not fight for her. She wish it more that you not fight. Of course, if i were in love with a man as fierce, i would know better than to try and tame him. You cannot change. Your lust for life is greater than what one woman could ever satisfy. You should do well to remember that when you lay your hand upon her face and tell her there will never be another. I do not need to tell you that she will die protecting you. It is something you fear for great reason. She will perish. Do not try and stop the future. Hold her hand as she passes, but do not delude yourself that she will be your only. I promise you that.

GeT aWay fRoM Me, tHis isN'T gOnnA Be EaSY, But i DoN't NeEd YoU, BeLiEve mE

yea you got a piece of me, but it's just a little piece of me. I don't need any one these days.
I wish i knew what it was that i was supposed to say now. I find it kinda hard. I won't lie, really hard. Really really hard.
I can't express myself here. This is ridiculous. How are you supposed to show tears on a web page. How are you supposed to hear when someone's voice breaks or how they can only whisper? How can you describe how memories hit you like heart attacks? I've been hiding the truth for a very long time. I have started friendships and then everything after the initial has been one long lie. Something that wasn't even close to true. Not even close to real. I don't even know what i am saying, so i'm just gonna end this paragraph.
I know that i should write something down. I feel that i should. I am some how compelled to keep typing through my moments of breaking. I'm not sure why yet.
Oh, i think i'll recount the happenings of my saturday night with a lot of omisions for my sake. I went to work. I called back scott because he has called me. I didn't really feel like talking to him. I told him we would chill... i didn't know about that in all actuality. He came to my work with brandon. I went home. He called me and asked why i was avoiding him. Anything i said would be a lie so why not just deny it? So i did. I went home. I got another call that told me to come to Steak n' Shake. I went. I sat. I listened to my ipod. I... can't do this. Not tonight, not ever again.