Birthday With a Side of Epiphany

So I heard last night that my good friend Brandon has finally found himself a lady. It's been a long time coming and I would be lying if I didn't say that I am extremely happy for him. I mean he deserves the best, and from what I hear, Theresa had been the best. She sounds amazing and I can't wait to actually meet her. Like, I know who she is and everything, but we have never been properly introduced. I think It's high time too.

Okay, so last night was a very long night. I mean... it was just a complete night. I took a nap and woke up around seven I think, and got onlinw. Caitlin was on and we talked for a while. Then she got off and an hour or so later (I don't know, not much time) Brandon got online and I talked to him for a while. Actually more like four hours. Average. But he told me all about his amazing night, (which I am not going to go into because he already left a huge thins on hie website about it.) But it was a good night. So talkie talkie and then Caitlin gets back on around eleven. So... they talk. I talk to them, but they have a separate conversation. I don't know what happend. I don't want to know what happend. It's not my place. But Theresa doesn't have a date to prom now, and Brandon and her are like together. But, he already has a date to prom, Caitlin.

Side Note: Now, I care about Brandon very much. He is a very good friend of mine, but I know that he can not do anything to hurt anyone. But in the end... I think this ends up hurting the most important person, himself. I wish that he could do what is the best for him, and not what is going to make the most people happy, but that's just my wish. Like I said, it's not my place.

So anyway... caitlin put up her away message and I jut kept talking to Brandon. At Midnight I wished him a happy birthday.. but he felt really 5hitty and so did I, I'm not gonna lie. But I relived my epiphany and said a lot of things that I think make almost a little too much sense. I sent an online greeting and i must admit, it was sweet. It was so pretty. I tell all of you now, online greetings: awesome to send, awesome to recieve. But again witht the epiphany..... Brandon is a really great friend and I can't imagine not knowing the kid. You have to admit he's pretty awesome. He just doesn't deserve all of this kinda crap to bring him down. *Lift me up Love Everyday*

So... I've been doin a lot and I mean a LOT of thinking. And I feel like.. playing the field? Well, I mean like I want to go out there and meet everyone that I can. And that way... when I find a person who I connect with and can have a good time decides that they are ready for a commitment, I'll know I don't have anything else goin on. I just feel like the more people I know, the better chances of finding someone right. Like diversifying your portfolio, it only leads to bigger and better things.

So, in conclusion... there has been a lot of stuff goin down! well, a lil anyway. So to sum, Brandon+Theresa= yey. Prom+Brandon= confusion. Me+Boys= come and get it!! (Me+thoughts= still hung up on boy, not givin up yet. Nope, I got a summer right?) Hell yess I do! Well, live is good and things will follow that lead, I'm sure of it.

(p.s got my bridesmaid dress and i like it. Pretty. Still don't have a date for prom. But so don't care, dressing up has never been my thing. Besides, it's not like it's my prom. I'm a sophomore dude. I got time. I think that Lauren might be upset with me. But for the dumbest reason ever... Doug! UH! over it. I am not going to let that get at my good times anymore. Bah! So that's my p.s bit longer than I though it would be.)

Star Wars Return of the Sith: 25 days!
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince: three months!!

Shoot Myself in the Foot Just to See it Bleed

I don't know when everyone just decided that they could talk to me again. But here I am, that shoulder to cry on once more. And I can't say that I am all too dissappointed. I just wish that people wouldn't forget that I'm here. And I wish that people who still won't talk to me would. It's a simple task and I know that it's just not that easy. I have found that people are very cold hearted and are very good at keeping grudges. I hate it, but it's a fact of life. I also realize how hard it is for people to let go and move on. I cry for all those people out there. And I celebrate for all of those who can actually do this. You are one of the strongest people I know if you can, and you should write a book to tell me and everyone else your secret. Cause I am feeling some major need of mind erasing. And if anyone out there knows how I can get some... please don't hesitate to leave me the info.

It is snowing right now and this gets at me for two reasons. 1. I am super pissed because it is almost f-ing May and it is cold outside. I am so tired of winter I could shoot myself in the foot just to see it bleed. I know this sounds ridiculous, but so is snow in freakin May. Bah! 2. I have friends who drive, badly. And I worry that they are going to kill themselves and who ever is with them. So a word to all of you, when you get home, either talk to me online or leave me a comment telling me you are alive. This will ease my thoughts, SO JUST DO IT!

Okay, so everyone I know on blogger, which is all of about three people I have read their entire archiev. This is sad. Because this means that I have tons of time on my hands and not enough to do. Good friends of the world, WHERE ARE YOU? and why am I sitting at home on a saturday night. Looks like when my back was turned, all my friends got lives. Damn, I was worried about that.

Personal note about these blogs, I have mainly read two. One who knows who he is, because I told him, and the other... obvious reasons to those who know me. To the first, I am sorry. For everything that has happend that is wrong in your life. I would be lying if I said that those didn't make me cry and laugh and regret what happend. (Not necessarily in that order.) But, you are an amazing person and you deserve only the best of this entire world. You have given so many people so much of your love. I think it is high time some of this was returned. God bless you and the purest soul to ever walk on this earth. And to the second, if I have to hear about how he is just lookin for someone to share life with, I am gonna shoot myself in the foot just to see it bleed. And that is ridiculous, but so is his statement. I have to go now, but I love you all. Let this be the night that you live to the fullest. Sweet Daydreaming.

Entirely Pointy

So I was sitting in my English class and we were going to use these Ibooks. So the student assistants come in and start to set things up. They rolls in the two carts and hook one up to the internet no problem. The boy goes over to the second cart and tries to plug in the internet cord. He keeps trying and trying with no success. The, the girl comes over and sees what the boy is trying to do. So she takes it from him and tries to do the exact same thing. Same port same cord. So success (I wonder why?) And they go to get their supervisor, a grown up. The teacher comes in and in one second it is hooked up and we are free to go. Okay, so this may sound like a lot of nonsense and completely pointless, but I promise you it is entirely pointy. This made me realize that no matter what happens and how stupid parents may seem, they are always there to fix things. They know just the right way to make things better. This may be because I am going back to my formative years and my parents were my heros. They could fix anything. They could chase away all my fears and everything bad from my mind, everything would be better. And it still holds true and probably always will. Even if we don't realize it, it's there. So.. I guess now more than ever would be a good time to start my life story. Well, I don't really think I want to mention names, I mean a couple are fine, but other... it just may be better not said. Well, there are so many things. Sixteen years in fact, but my life has only gotten really ass kicking these last couple of years. And when I say that, I mean my life is kicking my ass. I am so beat. Well, I guess it was back when I was going to move to North Carolina and I didn't want to. But while I was down there, I met this boy. His name was Chad. Actually I fell in love with him, and he fell madly in love with me. And we dated, it seemed like we had known each other forever and we became very very close. Almost as close as two people can be. But something happend and I had to come back here. And I knew that I was never going to move down there. We had a long and painful goodbye and decided that we should call it quits because a long distance relationship just was not right. But we still talked everyday. And eventually we did try to be a long distance couple. That lasted for a couple of months before I decided that I couldn't keep him all to myself. I felt like I was holding him back. He came up to visit a couple of times and then we decided to just be friends. Even though he told me that he would always love me. And I know that I will always love him. After that it was like nothing had changed. We still talked every night or every other night. He began talking about other girls and of course I was jealous. I hated that. Then he finally decided to ask out this girl, Leslie. AHH, she was such a b**ch. I called once to talk to chad and she answered the phone and said, "Sorry, chad's in the shower right now, but I'll tell him to call you as soon as he gets out." And he never called. I didn't have the heart to call back. I hated the idea of someone else... a couple of months passed and one day he just calls. Turns out that Leslie had cheated on him with his best friend Chaz. I felt bad for him especially after he told me that she would never let him call me cause she didn't understand why he would need to talk to his ex-girlfriend. I forgave him of course and things went right back to the way they always were. He kept telling me that he loved me and that some day he was going to marry me. And how he wanted to come to college up here. The moment my life changed was on December the 7th. I got home from school and Chaz called me, I was a little thrown by the sound of his voice. Chad had been in a car accident the night before. He was driving home from work and he was hit by a drunk driver. He was pinned in the car for hours and died on the way to the hospital. I died the day after he did. I never thought that I would ever be okay again. I remember Heidi calling and not being able to stop crying and I just couldn't understand. He was my best friend and my first love and he will always be. I will never be able to forget how beautiful and amazing he was an dI never want to. I gues that this event was the beginning of the rest of my life and it was the thing that changed me. No, I hate that, it's not events that change us. We change and anyone who tries to blame it on an event should be drug out in the street and shot. We change and those changes are just reflected in the events of our lives. Events are like mirrors, it's the only glimpse we ever get of ourselves. I am done for now. I know there is so much more to say about my life and this is only the beginning of my revelation, or whatever you would like to call it. Until then.. bless you and your own and don't think too much, it will only end up killing you from the most beautiful place first, your heart.

Hmmmm And That's all

News, I was sad. And then had an epiphany. Or maybe I fell in love. I haven't exactly decided yet. I have to work on that. But.... meh. I don't really have anything interesting to say. Well, I do. But I seriously don't have the time to go into it at the moment. It's been about oh sixteen years worth of things to discuss. Or at least it feels like it. Whew. So... Can I use names? Would that be wise? Well, I'll use a few. But only when I really feel like it. So where do I begin?...... I'll begin another day. Let start Media Res (or something like that) that mean in the middle. So, today. Was happy, but entirely pointless. I had such a a good time in Music Theory. That class really just brightens up my day. I mean, I get to see Kevin. And he is such a sweetheart. I mean, why don't I just date him. He certainly is a catch. But... Oh that's right... I'm hung up on someone already. hmmmm.... Yes, but my composition, awww I'm in love with it. I wish I could hear some right now. It is the kind that makes you just want to cry. Like it is that good. But I don't think a lot of myself, no. So there was that. I had a good lunch. Sat with Court, Whit, Suz, Erin, Becca and that's all. Still a better time than my old lunch table. And then Spanish kicked my ass again. And repeatedly. Like it still hurts. hmmmm..... And then I went to door C. Where my ass in always kicked. Unfortunately by myself. Damn I wish I wasn't so shy. That would make life tons easier. Oh well. And then night fell. And I fell asleep. And I woke up. Got online and talked to Brandon. Then called Lauren. Turns out we were going to Wings Ect. Pity I had no money. Went there sat and said nothing. And believe me, no one is more pissed off about this than me. REALLY!!!! I can't believe myself. *sigh* Talkin to Brandon right now. hmmmmm...... Yea.. hmmm... And that's all.